Greetings from the Post-PCP Life!

Mom and I flexing at 12,000 feet: Independence Pass, CO

It's been a crazy ride.
I put off the 'thoughts-after-90-days' post because immediately after finishing PCP, I got sick!

I'm sure the germs on the plane, wickedly intense heat in NYC, mania of travel and non-stop agenda didn't help. So while I was hoping to feel awesome, show off my new fit and happy self and play capoeira with my old Brooklyn chums, I instead was coughing up phlegm and feeling off-balance. Bah humbug!

Listening to my body and acknowledging I was really sick helped. Going to the doctor helped. Camping and hiking with my parents in the mountains helped. Having a routine helped--jogging and coffee with Dad at 5:30am? Okay!

Hiking with the family near Aspen, CO

I had forgotten how out-of-control portion sizes are in the US. I ordered a large Americano at my old ice cream stand/coffee place and was shocked when the woman behind the counter asked: Do you want 3 or 4 shots of espresso? Yikes, I was thinking 2 was plenty!

So eating out was really tough. I kept ordering the wrong thing. It sounded good, but tasted too greasy or salty or just, not good. I've realized the question is not: Will this taste good? But more importantly: Will this feel good to me after I've eaten it?

I erred in this department many a time whilst on vacation. Spiced chocolate donut in San Francisco? Delicious, but felt like a rock in my stomach immediately after eating it! Salmon my dad grilled with some sauteed chard and shallots? Yum on both accounts.

Okay, on to the things I've learned from this crazy PCP journey.

1. Change is really hard.

I had a clue about this from the international move I did last year.

Habit-changing is harder.

Especially when new habits you are cultivating involve lots of physical challenges.

That's why people avoid this hardship whenever possible and stay seated on the couch.

2. Challenges feel good.

I have never felt stronger or more happy about how I feel and look.

The last rep of the last set of the workout always had a tinge of nostalgia: I'm not doing that anymore... wait, yay!!!! Even on massively sweaty days felt like I was accomplishing something, something gross, but something good!

3. You Must Pay Attention.

• Getting flabby and losing energy doesn't happen overnight. It is a process of ignoring your body's needs that you know is happening, but don't always acknowledge or rationalize with lame excuses.
• Doing exercises poorly because it is a little less painful doesn't help you in the end. Do it right! Right now!
• Eating whatever makes you feel good in the moment does not make you feel good long-term.
• Pay attention to your actions and their impact on your body.
• Yes, I am a teacher. Can you tell?

4. The Muscle that is hardest to see changing is the one inside your skull!

• Really it takes even longer than the abs to come through!
• The sweating, grunting and forceful exhaling is all easy once you have worked on the mind.
• Getting up off the couch is the serious challenge. It takes more than 90 days to master.
• It will continue to be the thing I need to work on gray days like today when I think: jumproping before breakfast? but why? Putting on the shoes and making it happen makes me feel better. I will keep making the effort to remember this.

5. Keep talking through the rough parts.

This workout thing is no picnic. Remembering to blog about the hard parts and supporting others through them is why this project works. On days when I wasn't feeling up to the task, I thought about the rest of my team who were also dealing with these thoughts and other major changes in their lives and realized, if they can do it, so can I. Some days I could only do the workout after I read everyone else's blog for a boost. Thanks Team!

I think this applies to other hard things in life, as well. The idea of being independent and working it out alone isn't as important to me now, as is the idea of getting something done however I can, even if that means feeling weak and asking for help along the way.

Final thoughts... really, I'll stop stealing the spotlight from the newbies!

When I started this project, I didn't know if I could do it. I thought it would get too hard and I knew that my capoeira friends, Shivani and Emily, were stronger, had a better game than I and might just be more physically capable. I realized throughout the program that it isn't about being more muscly or athletic. People of all ages can do PCP... and have. The folks with really low body fat percentages already, big guys and gals, the 40+ crew, the still-in-college crowd and people who have the coveted six-pack on day 50, are all DOING THE SAME WORKOUT.

The biggest challenge was to convince myself that it was worth my time and effort to spend a few months focusing on making myself stronger, inside and out. I definitely had help in this from Patrick, my Running Rats team, my number one assistant (aka Head Chef & Cheerleader on the Homefront), as well as my folks, my friends, and all of you reading this thing RIGHT NOW. Knowing complete strangers were keeping tabs on me too-- I see you blog counter!-- helped me stay focused during the tough times when I wanted to bail on the whole thing. I am very grateful for the chance to be a better version of myself from year 33 onward.

Good luck to all the just started PCPers, the Day 66ers (team Sexaay! I believe?), Day 36ers and all of you out there waiting in the wings. It is worth the commitment and the struggle. Just get down to it!

Day 90: Part B, Post-Workout, in the Midst of Leaving the Country Craziness!

It's been a whirlwind today.

First the workout. I chose Day 9 because I wanted something with lunges (formerly my archnemesis) and leg-ups. The first time I did the lunges I didn't believe Patrick's 'no rest between sets' because I absolutely HAD to walk around and stretch my thighs before putting my poor legs through another set. I wanted to see if it still felt like this 81 days later.

I still felt the burn, but I didn't think at any point that I wouldn't make it through, as I had so many times in the midst of a workout. The leg-ups also gave a bit of a burn. I take this as my abs and legs still needing a little attention and some more pushing. No biggie.

Everything else was cake.

I finished the whole thing in 20 minutes, with the 600 jumps.

Post-workout I had the snack that I wanted... fruit and an egg white!

Well, I also had an iced espresso WITH MILK which I've been craving ever since it got hot. One of these a day (with the morning milk allotment) was simply not enough.

The celebratory lunch was at the neighborhood Italian joint. Delicious shrimp with linguine and a salad with orange slices and (formerly forbidden) walnuts. And a glass of white wine. Which just makes me sleepy and feel crazy. Followed by marscapone with fruit and an espresso.

Delicious, but my stomach was churning from the buttery shrimp preparation all afternoon.

I'm feeling accomplished, a little frazzled, definitely not ready to say sayonara yet. Deep-ish thoughts yet to come... when I'm not in the midst of packing, trying to remember my American bank PIN and other important details!

But a big CONGRATULATIONS to my Running Rats crew. It would be lovely to meet you all in person and tell you I think you're awesome. In lieu... well, I just said it.

Day 90: Part A, Pre-Workout Inspiration

Yes, this is the Final Countdown!

Day 89: The Day that was lost in the Void

Can you say 'hot?' Jeez Louise!I had to show off just how much I was sweating to all those around because I was not only dripping from my face, head, arms, chest... well, the normal parts... but also I had big drips of sweat down my legs!

Needless to say, the plank failure in today's workout was not all related to my ab muscles and more related to the friction quotient betwixt yoga mat and sweaty arms. Alas.

I knew this was the hardest workout and yes, there was some grunting and exasperated breathing, but it was do-able. I still had that horrible idea midway through: Is this really what I want to be doing? but I pushed that unhelpful thought away with a forceful exhalation.

It's a weird feeling being almost done. Weirder still that we are somewhere between Day 88 (the sequel) and "COMPLETE!" It makes me question what I've done so far and wonder if there's more still to come.

Do I have the tools to get myself into the best shape ever?

YES!

Do I feel healthier and more aware of diet, exercise and the importance of sleep in feeling good and being energetic?

ABSOLUTELY!

Am I proud of what I've accomplished?

YEP!

Do I think I could have pushed myself more some days on some exercises?

CERTAINLY!

Am I in Peak Condition?

MAYBE NOT.

It's this last part that's causing me a little angst. You see, I still haven't achieved all of my Day 1 goals. I've exceeded others (hello, weight loss!? wow!) But I am wondering about the could-have-dones that I didn't do. That--- let's face it-- if I didn't do during this 90-day blitz, will I ever?

On Day 91, I'm also headed for a two-week+ vacation to the U.S. It is a little, but expensive treat to myself because of my hard work and because I really do want to see my friends and family. I'll celebrate with a friend at her wedding, go camping and hiking with my folks, and tool around the old neighborhood and eat out (often) with friends. I'm really looking forward to the trip, but also conscious that the PCP maintenance plan starts on Wednesday and I don't want to blow it just because I'm away from home.

Perhaps it is like Patrick suggests: just focus on one thing at a time, don't look ahead and psych yourself out of it. Still breathing... and sweating.

Day 88: The German Gym Experience

I didn't want to go to just any gym. I used to belong to the YWCA in Brooklyn, which was totally awesome. Not so much for the facilities (a little bit run-down) but for the quality group fitness classes. The aerobics classes teacher was super hardcore and really made the workout fun; the big ladies that were in the class with me who would 'testify' when they felt the burn and jumping around doing weird moves, but having this communal goofiness in the class made it a great time.

Then they closed the YW. And tried to move us all to the YMCA. Which was shiny and new and totally overcrowded, with yoga classes full of skinny girls who seemed competitive about their poses and machines that were lined up like products on a shelf. It was just so... bleh.

So I wanted to make sure I tried out a gym I'd really consider going to, were I the gym-going type once again. So I tried a 'ladies' gym. The whole idea is a good one, women don't want to go to a place where they are being checked out in their spandex or where they have to think too hard about what to wear, they just want to get a good workout. Not that there isn't enough sizing up between women, but perhaps without that creep* vibe that seems to be a part of the mixed-gender gym scene.

*more on creeps to come

Anyway, I tried out a yoga class and a figurworkout class. The first was not very interesting, really slow and not at all like the yoga classes I had been in before. I did have some challenging moments where I was really having to think a lot about my breathing and to be aware of which muscles I was supposed to be using and not. I may do yoga again, but probably not there.

The second 'figurworkout' class was a strange combination of silly and serious. There was massive amounts of set up involved: 3 yoga mats, one trampoline, one resistance band, 2 1-kg weights per person. The room was like a giant tumbling playground. The moves were very '80s aerobics video. I worked up a good sweat, but the whole jumping around (while wearing socks-- which seemed crazy dangerous to me) and doing these silly moves while maintaining an air of utter seriousness, just didn't work for me.

It was good to see ladies of all ages, shapes and sizes there working up a sweat. I did learn a new ab exercise that I may use again. I do appreciate their catering to the ladies with a sauna, wellness room (read 'spa' area), and playroom for kids. I thought the machine set-up bizarre: group 'bauchkiller' (stomach killer) classes are held around a glowing neon pole, so you can face each other while pedaling your stomach to death. Also the radial formation around the TV for the stair climbers, bikes, and other stationary workout machines (including some strange new contraption called vibrating pads!?) was all set-up to distract you from your workout, rather than to encourage you to focus on your muscle work.

In addition, the reception desk served as a mini cafe, complete with three kinds of water and an assortment of 'flavorings' that you could add, as well as other items in tiny plastic goo packets, supposedly some sort of energy/vitamin supplements to enhance your workout with the glow stick.

*Creeps

More are following me. Literally. Yesterday I was shopping for some shorts that don't fall down, when I saw this flash out of the corner of my eye. Some guy had a camera by his leg and secretly took my picture while I was perusing the clothes rack. At first I was totally weirded out, then I decided I should find one of the store employees and report this creep. So I started following him. Maybe I could yell at him or flex a bicep angrily in his direction and give him the idea that what he was doing was not cool. He made a bee-line for the exit and I continue to shake my fist angrily in his general direction.

Why have I become a creep magnet?

Alright, post-morning jumping and two gym classes, it's time to do my Day 88 workout.

Wish me energy in the heat!

Day 87: Losing Weight and Wrong-Way Bras

So I'm all for the 8.5 kilo (18 lbs!) weight loss. Sort of surprised that I was carrying around that much extra baggage. No wonder I would be breathing hard by the time I got to the 5th floor of my building...

It's the equivalent of carrying around my vacuum cleaner all day...

or a big watermelon that I could never eat.

Generally it is an excellent thing. I can jump around now and feel light and healthy and good.

But did I really have to lose so much from the boob department?

My formerly too-tight bras have gone from fitting well again to this bizarre elephant skin-fabric indentation thing. It is like a grape, before it becomes a raisin.

Clearly there was something in there once, behind the fabric, but now it is just a memory...

It is awkward especially when trying to shop in a metric-based world. I just have to try lots of things on before I figure out my size in normal clothes. But I had to return some bras that were woefully too large for me in the smallest of sizes! I fear they do not make bras small enough for me in this country. What's less than an A-cup anyway? I think I'm resorting to pre-teen training bras, which are almost like sports bras anyway, until I get this thing figured out!

Enough of the bitching.

Workout update: the supersets are excellent and make me feel super-strong. It is really amazing that I can do these now. I never would have thought it 87 days ago. I am very much like a superhero now when doing my workouts. However, the Davinci/Forward Shoulder Raise combo is KILLLER!!! I had to resort to my green rubber band, which I think is really made for the gray-haired workout crowd. I guess a gray-haired superhero is still a superhero.

Day 86: It's taken me this many days, but now I know I can really do this!

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

Calvin Coolidge

Day 85: ISO Tailbone Cushion

Nearing the end, but still wishing I could actually match the proper form on some exercises.

Namely, my scrappy V-sits.

They haven't gone any pretty as I've gotten stronger.

I think I need a thicker mat (I've been using a yoga mat) to cushion my bones properly. I already looked ahead and the week is full of V-sits! Must buy this tomorrow morning, so I can get my workout in before it is 34 degrees (93 F). Yes, this is in Germany!

At least the Pistol Squats are over. Though I did feel like I could do them the right way today. With a little bit of cursing and grunting, of course.

Hang in, Running Rats et al. The end is in sight.

Day 84: Only Jumps Day!

The last one!

Oh, how I relish the respite you give me from my resistance band.

Surely this week will be the hardest one.

In other news: I snuck extra egg whites into a restaurant and sliced them into my salad.

The stealthy healthy eater strikes!

Hang in there Running Rats! Less than a week to go.

Day 83: The Problem with Going 'Public'

I've been bothered today by some comments a random member of our online society left on my flick'r page. Though they were complimentary, they objectified me, specifically parts of my body that I feel are my hard-earned muscle-y bits, that I didn't especially want people other than those supportive PCP-ers and friends to comment upon. I visited this commenter's page, to see if he was someone I should know from the PCP world at large, and found many other pictures of snippets of womens' bodies. Which creeped me out.

I know this whole project is public for a reason. I am more accountable for my workouts, for the hours of sweating grumpiness that I've gone through so that I could get myself into this shape. Without posting pics each week, I probably would have had a little less push or taken it easier on myself in the midst of a tough set of exercises.

I guess what is bothering me is the fact that this online 'cat call' has the ability to upset me, to make me feel like I've shown too much of myself and to be even more self-conscious about having my pics online. When I stand tall and pose for my weekly update shot, I'm feeling proud of my accomplishments, my hard work and trying to make my muscles look their best. Getting a response from some random loser shouldn't take that pride, courage and confidence away from me.

I blocked that person from commenting on my page in the future and deleted his comments, but I wish there was some more acute form of punishment to let him know that he's an asshole and moreover, that my body, or any of ours for that matter, are ultimately private. These blogs and self-portraits are a way to chronicle our progress for ourselves, not for the prying eyes of online oglers.

Day 82: Haribo Rescue

I had to eat some candy today.

I ate some delicious fish at lunch and got a fish bone stuck in the way back soft palate-y part of my mouth. Where it stabbed me at frequent, yet unforeseeable intervals for about 4 hours this afternoon. I tried drinking lots of water, forcefully swallowing yogurt, stabbing at it with a tiny spoon, until I made something bleed! eek! That's when I bought some yogurt gummis. They are clearly not so much yogurt, as pure sugar, but they have a lovely mushiness about them that you can shove around in the back of your mouth until it stabs the wayward fishbone and then you can swallow it whole.

Of course part of my suffering was during my German class. I learned how to say fishbone: Gräte, which I of course, instantly messed up by saying I had a Geräte in my throat. Geräte means gadgetry or hardware. Oh, this language learning is great, if only for the comedy I provide to others.

More on the German swimming pool experience to come.

Day 81: Food Galore and Minor (?) Knee Hijinks

First the food.

I've had some extra time on my hands-- I love you summer vacation!-- and so I've had a little more time to devote to extra good eating, PCP-style, of course.

Breakfast today: shredded chicken on a bed of lettuce with a 1.5 fried egg with scallions, sun-dried tomatoes and white radishes. Carbs were eaten while preparing the rest!

More Muesli!

Posing with berries and a look of post-workout bliss

Post-workout snack with extra fresh yogurt mixed in strawberries, cherries and johannisberries on top.

Delicious!

Now for the not-so-good.

My knee has been hurting. Both my knees make horrible cracking/popping noises normally, but they don't usually hurt. Friday I walked a lot and the knees felt twisty and not good. I took it easy yesterday: one set of jumps followed by biking around town and a little walking. I intended to go swimming, but didn't make it there.

Apparently there is a fabulous new city pool just a short walk from my house. But it involves overcoming one of my fears/dislikes: negotiating new activities in German. This is also problematic for Patrick's new homework: checking out a gym. This task would be heinous enough, just jumping rope in public is strange enough, let alone working out in close quarters, in our own independent bubble, but right next to other sweaty persons... but add to that the fact that I am worried I will not be understood when I want to 'try-out' a gym for a day as 'trial membership' that involves some sort of per month commitment that I neither want nor can afford at the moment. Ugh. I guess I'll have to make a cheat sheet of possible words in German that I may hear and make sure I don't sign anything more than 1 page in length.

Back to the knees. I jumped without too much difficulty today, though I did have to stretch things out between sets to keep going. The heavy leg/knee focus in today's workout is making me cringe. My knees do not like Pistol Squats, even when they are feeling strong and limber. Can I substitute some regular Squats or Lunges? Or is that cheating so close to the finish line? Patrick?

Day 79: Squeezing in an Indulgence

It was really hot here today, so I did my workout before noon.

I finally bought my 'fitness' gloves, as they are called here, hopefully I can focus on the abs now instead of the blisters forming on my hands during Kung-Fu Sit-ups. Much hilarity in trying to ask the clerk if they were supposed to fit tightly... he looking me up in my skirt and tank top... me in halting German explaining that I need to use them for pull-ups... him looking at me skeptically... that is until I tried a dumbbell curl and shocked him with my awesome biceps!

But the real point of this post: INDULGENCE 3!!!

I almost didn't want to go for it. Since watery, veggie stuffs, and fruit, are the new loves of my life. But I figured sushi, a little white wine... oh, and of course an ice cream sundae... and perhaps a beer, would be delightful on this wonderfully warm day.

A delightful starter: glass noodles (salty!), cranberry juice mixed with mineral water, and white wine!

Asparagus tempura... too fried and drizzled with mayonnaise!

Sushi... to share. It's only 1000-calorie indulgence, after all.

The raspberry sundae and espresso macchiato.

The vanilla gelato was delicious. I didn't see the point of the whipped cream, clearly it was just in my way. The raspberries were delightfully tart. I will probably never eat this sundae again. And that's just fine.

Contemplating, post-sushi...

The final piece was a delightfully, refreshing Schneider Weisse .5L beer. The perfect accompaniment to a tense football match. Still feeling sad about Ghana's loss and the general malaise that accompanies my post-indulgence body. I feel kind of loogy. Slower, heavy... of course it is still really hot, so it's hard to tell which part of the evening is causing these feelings. I guess I expected to feel even worse. Perhaps because I spread this out over several hours... 5? I'm not feeling like I packed in the calories, though I certainly did. Maybe this is my warning about overconsumption in the future. You can still eat an awful lot, even if it takes a long time, it still adds up. Off to find an aspirin!

Day 78: Muesli and Malevolent Musings

First the muesli.

I had as much as allowable and it was delicious. I'm so excited about the real good food possibilities that are both PCP-friendly AND accepted as 'normal.' Read, not banana-egg white-dinner shakes. Muesli totally fits the healthy and normal bill. As well, it is deliciously scrumptious and varied, depending on the type of fruit and grains and creaminess of the yogurt. The Swiss definitely have this one down. I will master my own version, post-PCP. Or perhaps this week.

Because I need some projects to structure my time.

Now that school has ended, I have much more time on my hands, though not a whole lot of it turns out to be productive.

I am realizing through this project some of my negative habits that interfere with my ability to get stuff done. Putting off a workout through as much of the day as possible, is just one piece of this. Procrastinating the unpleasant-- cleaning, organizing, doing generally unfun tasks-- is all very ordinary, but leads to a sloth-like, searching the web, aimlessly, behavior, that really isn't what I want to spend the bulk of my time doing. If I keep putting off things, because they are hard or unpleasant or take effort and time to achieve, I will turn back into the blob on the couch that I've been working for 70+ days to snap myself out of. I wish I felt energized pre-workout, as I do post-, so that I'd have that kick to get going and do stuff.

Of course, comparing myself to other teammates and previous PCP folks isn't helping, as they seem to be in the 'natural high' portion of enjoying exercise and feeling great about doing workouts and extra sessions of other fun activities. Like doing the 8-Minute Abs routine, just because it is rewarding. People, this is day 78 and I STILL HAVEN'T DONE IT. This happy-exercising-super-productive-successful-and-muscly-PCPer seems to be the norm this far along in the project, but is totally NOT how I'm feeling about my project. I'm struggling still just to do my time, eeking out an hour of hard work, then relaxing again. Is there something wrong with me that I'm still not 'getting' about working out? Am I destined to be a sloth?

Ugh. The negative self-talk certainly isn't helping. Time to go feel good about myself... perhaps with some poorly executed pistol squats?

Grr.

Day 77: When faced with cheese lasagna... you eat the lasagna.

Ah, back from Basel! Ein Wünderschön Stadt!

It was beautiful, 33 degrees C every day, so I melted, but enjoyed every minute.

I also got slightly smarter, from the whole workshop aspect, that was really the point of getting to go to Switzerland in the first place. It was great to explore a new city and with my excellent map-reading skills, I managed to walk up and down and around one street I wanted to find three times before realizing I was there! A good workout, indeed.

It is a town full of hills and hidden staircases, which I can handle now, without too much huffing and puffing. I was especially aware of the older Swiss folks, who are remarkably fit and spry. Sure, some of them need a snazzy umbrella-style cane to help them wander about the twisty lanes, but they don't let a little balance issue affect their ability to get where they want to go.

I hope to be wandering about with gusto 50 years from today.

In the evenings I went a little crazy with the Japanese food... good, not too heavy, clearly visible vegetables (i.e. not buried under cheeses or sauces). The first night, as I tried to find a shady place to stop sweating, was a delightful noodle house: my choice, a cold ramen meal with chicken and fresh veggies. Delicious and immensely satisfying... though hard to stop myself from eating all the ramen noodles.

The food at the workshop was a little harder to handle. When faced with cheesy veggie lasagna or nothing, you eat the lasagna. I had a little panic about the missing protein, the overabundance of non-PCP items in the meal, but at some point I started breathing normally and moved on with my life.

Moments like that are helping me to cope with the 'what happens next' question. Next being the rest of my life. What happens being, trying to stay healthy, muscley and at a weight near my present one, not my former lifestyle that meant I was carrying around an extra 7 kgs. I'm still feeling a bit angsty about this one. I guess I've got 13 more days to figure this one out.

Day 73: New Pics and a Trip to the Land of Chocolate!

I'm off to Switzerland for 4 days. Away from the comforts of my exercise nook and digital scale and into a land of rich milk, cheeses and of course, chocolate.
Chocolate near Basel, Switzlerland (52 results)

Do I buy a treat for post-PCP or just avoid temptation all together? Actually more than chocolate, I'm looking forward to some good breakfast muesli with yogurt, grains and fruits all mixed together in this wonder compote where the grains are tender and everything is super delicious.

Maybe I can count my morning fruit in with breakfast? Oh, if only breakfast buffets were arranged with all foods separated by type for appropriate PCP-gram estimations! At least I can trust that they will have boiled eggs and the buffet, though probably soft-boiled... it is Europe, after all! Wish me luck!

Day 71: SUMMER approaches and I'm already feeling smarter!

I'm becoming slightly obsessed with how to keep my good habits post-PCP. Which coincides directly with taking a long 2.5-week trip away from the good habits of home, on the day after finishing the program!

I'll have a mini-trial this weekend as I go solo to a workshop in Switzerland, a land of deliciously rich cheese and unweighable buffet breakfasts. I'm hoping I can jump in my hotel room without a riot from fellow hotel-dwellers. Has anybody tried this? Otherwise I'm bringing my running shoes and there seems to be a lovely river nearby.

Perhaps this planning for the future, rather than the right now, is my way of coping with the current multiple reps, groaning through sets, cursing at my resistance band stage. I am pushing through and doing all my sets... but I'm upset that failure still feels like failure to me. If I can do 30 Davincis on the first set and then only 13 on the last one, how is that not a shortcoming? An actual failure on my part?

I've lost 7.5 kilos now and I am comfortably at a weight that I last saw probably 14 years ago. This also means my formerly too-tight pants are too big for me now, too. Even some of my skirts fall down. Bizarre. I think I'll work on learning how to do alterations over my summer vacation. Here's to summer, one-half day of school away, and counting!

Day 70: Mustering up some strength

It is probably the stress of finishing up my first year in a new school and the new German class I just started, coupled with the requisite food prep. and workout time of PCP, but I am EXHAUSTED. Almost too worn out to be enthusiastic about 20 MORE DAYS of PCP!

but not quite.

I had a 1-hour window between school and German class this afternoon in which to do my jumps. Instead I put on my all my workout gear and fell asleep on the couch, which made me late for class.

Now I am cursing the neighbors setting off fireworks and blowing those #@%! horns for the World Cup that keep me from sleeping.

In a few hours, I will be cursing at the birds that awaken me with their 4am singing (that is right before the sun comes up). Grrrr.

The time of day when I like to still have my eyes shut.

Only 20 days left of getting into peak condition, but my grumpiness refuses to leave! Hrmph.

Day 68: Keep On Truckin!

22 more days people!

Don't let the 90-second planks get you down!

Kalasipalaya. Keep on trucking.

from a truck in Bangalore, India

Day 67: Pavlova and Other People

It was the end-of-year shindig.

I ate some Pavlova.

I was trying to just eat the berry topping, granted, with a dollop of cream and ended up having some of the crunchy, sugary, egg-whitey merenguey-ness too. So sweet! Eek! I realized that not only was it waaaay over the top with sugar, but that if I ever eat that dessert again--it is quite a thing of wonder to behold--I should only ever have a bit of crunch with my berries. Because the berries are really the delicious part.

This party followed the staff luncheon: lots of homemade salads and sides, sufficient vegetables and a BBQ provided by my employer. Of course, this is Germany, so while I had hopes of grilled chicken or turkey or something fowl, the real choices were: pork, pork or pork. Oh yes, when you ask there is some variety: pig stomach, steak (made of pig), or bratwurst (also from our dear friend, pig), so at least it's not all the same, right? Oh, German cuisine.

I needed my 90 grams of protein, so I headed across the street for a bagel chicken sandwich. I guess pre-PCP I ate these things regularly and found them quite tasty, without giving much thought to the additional flavorings included. But now I find the mustard/cream cheese/layer of mystery spices not only excessive, but kind of gross, too.

Also for my birthday, my kind co-workers supplied cakes, jello shots and granola bars. I said 'thanks.' I can't really ask people to find the joy in raw bell peppers, if they're not already so inclined.

It is a strange thing, the connection between sweets and pleasure; chocolate and indulgence.

As I continue to be more visibly fit, I find that my appearance seems to make other people feel uncomfortable. Though I'm not trying to 'flaunt' my new physique, just having lost weight and gained muscle seems to make those around me nest their compliments with self-directed critique. I didn't expect that by getting in better shape I would be making people feel inadequate, rather than inspired.

Much more eloquent thoughts on this topic from Pingu:

http://thekungfubody-emily.blogspot.com/2010/06/do-you-hear-that.html

The other weird thing about people commenting on my weight loss and fit physique is the thought: "I must have been huge before! Why didn't anyone tell me?"

chunky hedgehog and healthy hedgehog

New pics going up now!

Day 64: The Importance of Being Regularly Fed

I almost lost it today on the pistol squats.

I was five seconds away from turning into a pool of tears and muscley mush on the floor.

drawing by Dane

This is how we would look without any bones in our body. We would be a blob and we could not stand.

(I love the internet for pictures like this!!!)

I couldn't get up from the squats starting in the third set and kept pushing through the fourth. I gave up the fifth altogether... because I realized I would either disintegrate into tears or move on to the next exercise and be able to finish my workout.

I moved on. Then realized that the reason I probably fell apart was because I put off my afternoon snack until 7:30pm. If I going to stay at school for 12 hours, I've got to pack some more meals!

I'm with Todd and Mikhael on this week's workout... still tough, still a challenge, even after nine weeks of 'getting used' to these workouts. I'm still hoping I can be strong enough to get through these next few weeks. Still carrying the pig!

Day 63: 9 Weeks Down!

Go Team Running Rats!

Beautiful sunset here... seven more days of school. Then I can focus on becoming my most awesome, buff self.

In other news, I spoke about eating well and knowing where your food comes from and the need for unprocessed foods in our lives in German class today. Not only a real conversation starter, but I could make myself understood auf Deutsch!

I've been so busy with PCP, teaching & end-of-year wrap-up, and German, that my capoeira practice has slacked off. I'm hoping I can get back into the swing with that soon. Otherwise my goal of doing some awesome gymnastic moves will be unrealized in the 90-day timeframe I was hoping for.

Well, good luck to us all as we enter WEEK TEN!!!! Yay RRs!

Day 61: Unsatisfied

It's a weird way to feel on your birthday.

I'm stuck in between being lackadaisical and feeling defeated.

Concern #1: Hunger

I thinking I'm not eating enough vegetables when Patrick says AMAYW (as many as you want) for lunch and dinner.

Concern #2: Enough of the Salads

Having had out-of-town visitors, I would accompany my guests to good German restaurants where the only thing remotely PCP friendly was, you guessed it, SALAD! I've eaten so many. Somtimes two in a day. Enough!

Concern #3: The Six-Pack

It's not a make-or-break for me. I still have some stomach fat and little rolls when I sit and stare at my stomach. (I try not to do this often) I don't think the six-pack is coming for me. And I don't really care. The not caring is the part that concerns me more. If I'm doing this whole 90-day project, shouldn't I care? Am I just saying I don't care because I'm feeling anxious that it won't happen? No, I think I really don't care!

Concern #4: Lack of Abs

I know, this ties into the prior concern, but I still feel really weak on the V-Sits, Bicycles (which are more of a leg workout than the abs--Thank you Jason! I'm glad I'm not the only one with this concern!) and the not-even-close Kung-fu Sit-ups. I probably need to crackdown and finally do that 8-minute ab video. Hrrmph.

All of this is probably not made better by my avoidance of my workout until now (after 9pm here). At least the sun is still up. I've got to get to it!

Day 60: Logistics, Milestones, and Making it Work!

Congrats to all my Running Rats!

60 days down and we're looking good!

It's been a busy week, so I've been thinking about blogging, but not getting to it.

Just celebrated my 10-year anniversary, 33 years of me (tomorrow) and my 60th day of PCP!

A spontaneous trip to nearby Coburg and their all-night weekend flohmarkt (garage sale/flea

market that takes over the entire center of the city) was the way to celebrate.

It was a bit of a disaster food-wise, as my spontaneous planning did not involve bring hard-boiled eggs with me or remembering my food chart. But after 60 days, I've learned that sometimes you just have to accept that life isn't always lived precisely within guidelines, and although you ordered the wrong soup, because it has cream... everything will be okay.

The first look at the castle... far, far away

I substituted jumping today for a serious hike up the town's hill to visit the castle. The problem was starting on the adjoining hill and seeing the castle and then realizing one must first walk down a valley and then up the real hill that the castle was on to get there. I rediscovered my butt muscles.

Taking the stairs to the top, shorter, but harder!

The view from the top

Leaving with smaller pants, and wearing an emergency belt purchase: clothes to fit my new body!

Tomorrow is my birthday and so in following German tradition, I must bring in treats! This was a bit tricky, since baking usually involves sugar and salt and cream and other taboo food bits. I compromised with a zucchini basil muffin recipe. Savory, not sweet. Minimal sugar (less than 1/4 cup in 20 muffins) and salt (a generous pinch), as I'm a little superstitious about what will or won't happen with the baking chemistry if I leave these things out.

As I close, I'm watching the Germany vs. Australia World Cup game. Those damn horns make it sound like I'm surrounded by a swarm of bees and people set off fireworks whenever Germany scores. It's freaking out the cats!

I'll just imagine the bees are rooting for us all in the next 30 days. Go Team Running Rats!

Day 55 and counting!

Time to take after Ren, Todd and other food mavens and post my food pics!

Life has gotten considerably better since the farm deliveries to my house began. The weekly bins include milk, hearty bread and mystery produce! Each week there's something different. It helps with the variety thing Patrick is always pushing us to have in our diet. However, there is always some troublesome item that I have to figure out how to cook. This week's challenge was not-sweetened rhubarb. Here were my results:

Garden ends casserole!

fennel, kohlrabi, leeks, rhubarb and some chicken hiding under it all

spiced with tumeric, marjoram, balsamic vinegar and some chicken broth

I decided rhubarb was a vegetable, what with its stemmy-ness and its celery look-alike qualities and baked some for my evening veggies and for tomorrow's lunch.

Baked rhubarb with yogurt, cinnamon and light touch of maple syrup

The yogurt w/rhubarb was sour, but tasty. I'll report back on the casserole after tomorrow's lunch!

Day 54: The Bad, the Good and the Things That Keep Me Up at Night

First the bad:

• My chest dips are like shoulder shrugs. I can't find two same-height surfaces that don't make my wrists hurt, that are a reasonable distance away from each other. I tried the kitchen counters (too far apart) and even climbed in the bathtub to try that today (too low)!

• I'm afraid to go too low in my push-ups-- the fear of smashing my nose on the floor when I lose all muscle control-- so I'm not going down as low as I think I should.

• My kung fu sit-ups don't work because my arms are too tired to hold my body weight at the end of the workout. I can't get my legs straight or to 90 degrees, let alone hold them for a moment and hold a breath. This makes me feel wussy.

• My biceps and shoulders seem massive to me... which makes me think I'm overcompensating with these stronger muscles and not working out others as much.

• I also feel bad that thinking these muscles are too big... I am feeling good about my body, I should like all of the new muscles equally!

• I'm not sleeping enough. The sun being up until after 9pm and rising around 4am isn't helping at all!

Maybe not bad or good:

• I was too out-of-sorts post-Indian food to eat the chocolate gelato I was craving... so I ate a cookie at my favorite coffee shop today... many hours post-indulgence time.

Okay, now the good:

• Size 8 pants! Or 38 or 40 in Germany, depending on the brand. Size 42s are a thing of the past...

• I'm enjoying the food still. Even kefir... even plain yogurt... even (dare I say?) egg whites! If you aren't eating frittatas as a way to have eggs and protein and veggies, you aren't living. They are a most excellent breakfast.

• I am a bajillion times stronger than 54 days ago.

• Jumping rope felt fun and easy today.

• I'm doing my workout every day.

• I'm still getting compliments from people I see every day.

Now the worries:

• Is it normal that my wrists hurt every day?
• Should my knees make horrible cracking noises in the creep and pistol squats?

Ugh. Time to get some sleep.

Day 53: Indulging!

Dear Body,

I understand now why you crave creamy, spicy, super flavorful foods. They taste good. But those heavy foods are too much work to digest, sap you of strength and generally make you feel about as motivated as a rock. Food that makes you feel good involves crunch and plants and sometimes a bit of grilling.

That 2-hour nap you had to take today after Indian food-- yes, it was delicious butter chicken, chili ginger naan and a sweet, but not too sweet mango lassi-- shows what hard work it is to break down this kind of food into something useful for you. So let's stick to the good stuff, okay?

Thanks.

the rescue salad... crunchy, but salty

Day 50: Hanging out with the Italians

Me with a teddy bear, not my Italian friends

I'm still following my eating and jumping and working out regimen with visitors from out-of-town. We ended up at a really tasty organic food restaurant in the touristy town of Rothenburg ob der Tauber today. Beet soup, scallop with warm veggie/lentil salad and green salad made for an excellent lunchtime feast. I think my friends think I'm a little insane with the banana-milk-egg white dinner. I agree with them on this point and pine for the time when I can eat with others in the evening again.

Happily they cooked dinner tonight, which means I will have some killer lunch pasta tomorrow.

Italian friends serving up some awesome-smelling-looking pasta

I'm definitely looking forward to a planning my future indulgence in a dinner out sometime this weekend.