Day 16: Missing Something

I'm figuring it out.

This week's food is way more manageable. I know that heavy fruits and veggies are good because then I don't have to eat 20, I found a way to search for songs with beats per minute that fit my jump speed-- just search for the bpm for the song that you know works for you, then search that number on last fm and you get your own personal radio playlist!-- and I'm getting a handle on the mass shopping/cooking that must be done to sustain my new fitness-focused self.

But I'm still missing something.

I'm resistant to things. I'm not willing to say 'no' to going out and being social. I want to hang out with people and talk myself into thinking it's no big deal if I order a salad with more vinegar than I think I should be having on my cucumbers. Or if I don't have time to go shop at the one market where I can get fresh fish, I'll buy the smoked kind that I can find more easily (that I know has too much salt). It is because I'm lazy? Resentful at the difficulty of finding the fresh foods I need and would be able to find easily, were I still living in Brooklyn? Not willing to give up an invitation to do something fun after a winter of feeling rather isolated and lonely? Or just not committed enough to this whole project?

Ugh, self doubt.

Day 15: I can't add

I did a hundred extra jumps, because I can't add.

At least not when I'm sweaty and tired.

I'm starting to dread jumping.

Which only makes the jumping worse.

But then after 600 it is fine and I find my groove.

I think I'm psyching myself out.

Now it's 10pm and I really need to cook some veggies for tomorrow.

Ugh.

On the plus side, mango with yogurt is a good dessert.

Also a glass of milk with a kiwi.

Jumping poorly, but awesome nevertheless!

I'm still tripping over my feet.

I think it's getting worse.

I'm trying to find the beat in the music and it is almost never where my natural jump seems to be. So I try to slow down or speed up and then find myself out of breath or waiting an inordinate amount of time in between jumping. Or listening to the music which doesn't match my movement and losing count. Just... no... flow.

Missy Elliot helps sometimes. Lady Gaga has "Just Dance" which works pretty well, and while I can imagine myself in a sort of living room disco-aerobic club at 6am, I still need to mix up the tunes. Before I start working out to a metronome, any suggestions, folks?

I am getting a handle on the food, though I need to spread my lunchtime out over a couple of hours to eat it all. What is awesome is that I have so much energy. I may suffer through lunges (so, so unpleasant), but in my normal day at work, I'm not getting the post-lunch urge to nap or dragging myself to a last period class. I shared my excitement over feeling so good with a co-worker who is a regular exerciser/athlete. It was great to talk to her about feeling healthy and energetic and to feel like we're members in some happy fitness club. Slightly geeky, but good.

But not this geeky.

I still have moments of grumpiness when I really want to go hang out with people and know I shouldn't, because you can't take your digital scale to a restaurant, but I guess the good vibes are starting to override these less productive emotions.

Cooking at home is more fun now that I picked up weird new grains and veggies. There are things in my fridge that I don't know the name for in German or English. I know dinkel means 'spelt' but I have no idea if Dinkel Reis is something you make into bread or cook for breakfast. I'm also going to get hooked up with the German farm delivery circuit where you get a box of in-season local produce delivered to your door. I can't wait. Lately I've been shoving so much farmer's market produce in my bike basket that I'm afraid the whole thing will topple over. Now if they could also bring it up the five flights of stairs to the apartment...

Day 10 and the challenge of a Dinner Party

I wanted to be social.

I thought bringing my own chicken would be a bit of a faux pas.

I didn't measure my portions, but I did have a good share of carrots, green beans, white asparagus, potatoes and an eggplant-lentil dish my friend had cooked especially for me.

I graciously passed up the wine and had some strawberries and milk for dessert.

But still I'm feeling like I somehow fell off the wagon.

Of course today I'm feeling a little under-the-weather and guilty.

I'm feeling no motivation to jumprope. Which of course means the thing I must do is jumprope.

At least it's sunny.

Sigh.

I Just Can't Eat it All!

I really tried.

At breakfast, I had to put back a slice of the ridiculously hearty bread that they have here in Deutschland. I just couldn't eat it.

At lunch, I had no space left for the supplemental protein called 'boiled egg' that I really intended to eat.

Even at dinner I just felt full when I reached this point.

I wish I could eat it all, but my body has some sort of automatic stomach shut-off valve. I think this is generally a good thing. I'm not sure if we need to continue to consume these mass quantities and why exactly we need to eat so damn much. I just know my little stomach is trying very hard to accommodate all these food grams... but it is struggling.

I used my pressure cooker to make a quinoa, lentil, garlic, purple carrot concoction that was still a little bland. I'm not sure when the 'rich taste of natural foods' part will kick in, because everything just tastes very plain to me right now. Except for tomatoes, which seem to be nature's wonder flavoring. I ate one for breakfast the other day like it was an apple. The same with a yellow pepper this morning. Delicious.

I'm not sure how to measure carbs, veg and protein when its all mixed together in a pot, so I approximated a bit and added some sauteed mushrooms and tomatoes and served it over a bed of spinach, which seems to be practically weightless and should really just start floating in the air in some sort of anti-gravity feat.

So despite not eating everything, I had a really good day: getting a better hang of the weighing and prepping bit, cooking a not-bad meal, and wrestling a colleague to the ground in front of my students and their parents. Weird, but rewarding.

Now off to try to eat my dairy & fruit dessert...

Ups and Downs

After the excitement of new food guidelines-- read LOTS more-- I realized I had none of the right things in my fridge or house and no time to go out and find them in the small window between waking and biking off to work. I pieced together what I could from my carb, fruit, veg, protein, milk allotment and headed off.

I must have done something wrong, because by 2pm I was dragging. Really sleepy and totally low energy. Ate an apple, to minimal effect. I left work a few hours later and took a nap, neglecting the massive grocery run I so needed to do and the volunteer work for the school's big project.

By six I was putting on the workout gear and pushing myself through 150 jump sets. Having actually done it (without tripping!) I felt moderately better. After that the push-ups seemed easy. The pull ups completely didn't work with my makeshift broomstick on chairs set-up, but the office park near my house has perfect railings for just such a thing. Fortunately, without any after hours security guards questioning me in angry German.

After a massive dinner, I am back on track. Still reeling at the amount of food I now need to consume and the time it will take to eat it all. Wondering if this afternoon lull is part of the adjustment process... but hoping to circumvent those doldrums tomorrow. Wish me luck.

500 Jumps: Yes, I Can!

Who knew?

Certainly not me on Day 1 as a struggled through far fewer. But seven days later, I can do sets of 101 at a time. Yay me! I'm really thinking this regularity of small bouts of exercise has something to it. Small bouts of push-ups still make me grumble a bit however.

I took Patrick's advice and indulged a bit in my last halfsies meal: mattar panir, murgh mushroom and a tiny beer. Though lots of German cuisine is pretty hefty, they are really good about portioning liquids. Thus ordering a .2 liter beer is not a problem. They even have appropriate-sized glasses!

I'm really curious about the new food plan. Is this where I eat lots of vegetables? Many egg whites? Will I need to give up coffee?

I'm already getting ready, having figured out how to use a pressure cooker for my lentils and ordering a steamer inset for it. Of course, I ordered the wrong one and had to call and ask if I could replace it for the correct size... but I did it, all in German! After 8 months here, any complete conversation I can have auf Deutsch, without stumbling back into English or a blank stare, is a major triumph.

Well, tomorrow makes Day 8, new foods and hopefully some visible changes to go along with the internal ones (when my pics go up). Hang tough, my Running Rats.

Before 7am and already peaky!

The halfsies breakfasts continue. Dense bread and polenta with dried cherries. Yum.

I did my workout this morning. It made me feel more awake and I got to see the sunrise. Yay for Spring in Northern Europe!

I tried to muffle my jumping (I am on the 5th floor) by putting a little rug in the living room. Disaster! I kept tripping and probably made more noise for my sleeping neighbors. I guess I'll just keep living in fear of the knock on the door and some angry German about making too much noise during quiet hours.

So far with the workout I've figured out that:

1. Music helps (why didn't I ever do lunges to tunes before?)
2. It's okay to keep your knees on the floor in pushups if it means you can do 32 of them!
3. Using a kids' jumprope is motivating and makes me smile
4. My cat loves my sweaty smells at the end of the workout. I know this is both very nice and quite gross.

Have a good Day 5, Peakers!

Day 4: The Mind's Getting to Me

Just finished the workout and I'm feeling much better.

Yesterday, not so much.

I was feeling hungry, grumpy and thin-skinned as I baked and prepared for a friend's birthday party. The party did solve the chocolate banana strawberry bread dilemma: give it away! Sadly, I didn't take pictures beforehand, but this is kind of what it looked like: http://cdcstudios.com/2009/04/10/chocolate-strawberry-banana-bread/

The last-minute grocery shopping and the not-ripe enough tomatoes that I got stressed me out, but it probably wouldn't have turned me into a crying on the kitchen floor event, had I not felt so food-deprived and HUNGRY!

Needless to say, the eggplant dish that I needed the tomatoes for turned out fine and was completely devoured at the party. Yay! Eggplant is turning out to be my new favorite vegetable, ever since I figured out how to broil it. Delicious.

http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/eggplant-lasagna-herbed-ricotta-asiago-00000000019598/index.html

At the party I was trying to explain how to make it and I got completely tongue-tied. I'm not usually the most talkative at parties, but not being able to get a sentence out correctly was really frustrating.

I think I've got to let up a little of the pressure I put on myself to do things well. I'm really working on learning German, but constantly making mistakes, which is funny at first, but then just starts to make me feel incredibly dumb.

This carries over to my workout when I think I'm jumping too fast or too slow, putting too much pressure in my hands during leg-ups or not going down far enough in my push-ups.

I've got to remember it's a process. If I were already awesome at working out, I probably wouldn't be doing PCP!

Well, I'll be working on the mind control aspect today. Maybe this will help:

Day 1: Let's Do This

Hello friends and well-wishers!

I'm both really excited and apprehensive right now as I begin this PCP journey. I'm going to be totally fit! But wait... how much jumping rope do I need to do again? My capoeira gals are giving me some serious inspiration (even from 3000+ miles away). Props to Emily, Mickey and Shivani!

This project I'm embarking on is a real departure from my usual laissez-faire attitude toward eating. I'm definitely not the dieting type-- I've always wondered if Weight Watchers and Conde Nast are somehow jointly owned and conspiring to make women feel crappy about their bodies-- but here I go on my first one. I'm not calling it the 'd' word actually, but a 'changing-my-health-and-approach-to-exercising plan' which is quite a mouthful.

Since I moved far, far away, I've totally fallen off the fitness wagon. I miss my capoeiristas, lovely Prospect Park, and both the fun and healthy peer pressure that comes with working out with others. So, I've got 90 days to get my mojo back.

Here's the plan. By the end of this I want to:

• be able to walk to my 5th floor walk-up without getting winded
• reconnect with muscles I last remember from rowing crew (my first year of college)
• slim down from my current weight (my highest ever!)
• finally do a macaco in capoeira (a kind of sideways, backward handspring thing)

I'm already feeling more aware of my eating habits, but I've had a few "better eat this now, because I won't for 90 days" moments that I know are counterproductive. This week's mission is to eat half of your normal food intake. My stomach is already growling at the thought of half of the cafeteria lunch. It's so measly already!

-------

Already Evening

I made it through both the many sets of jumping rope and the awkward Day 1 photo shoot. Believe me, I don't usually show this much of myself to people I know, let alone potential strangers! But I figure tiny clothes will show more progress.

Breakfast was fine.

I think drinking only this much coffee is probably better for my stomach in the morning.

Things were growling something awful before dinner, but my 1/2 portion was quite satisfying. We'll see if it holds up and if I can keep from getting 'hangry' =hungry+angry, this week (thanks to Mickey from the last PCP group for the awesome new word).

The real debate is about baking. Do I make the strawberry banana chocolate bread tonight that I was planning to do last night, pre-PCP? Can I still bake and bring it in to work so I don't try to cut half-sections of the slices I would probably eat every time I walked into the kitchen? Ugh!

Well, thanks for reading and wishing me luck. I'm sure with dilemmas like these, I'll need it! And to my fellow PCPers, in the words of my inspiration figure: LET'S GET IT STARTED!