The Peak Condition Project - Jennifer

Greetings from the Post-PCP Life!

2010-08-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

Mom and I flexing at 12,000 feet: Independence Pass, CO

It's been a crazy ride.
I put off the 'thoughts-after-90-days' post because immediately after finishing PCP, I got sick!

I'm sure the germs on the plane, wickedly intense heat in NYC, mania of travel and non-stop agenda didn't help. So while I was hoping to feel awesome, show off my new fit and happy self and play capoeira with my old Brooklyn chums, I instead was coughing up phlegm and feeling off-balance. Bah humbug!

Listening to my body and acknowledging I was really sick helped. Going to the doctor helped. Camping and hiking with my parents in the mountains helped. Having a routine helped--jogging and coffee with Dad at 5:30am? Okay!

Hiking with the family near Aspen, CO

I had forgotten how out-of-control portion sizes are in the US. I ordered a large Americano at my old ice cream stand/coffee place and was shocked when the woman behind the counter asked: Do you want 3 or 4 shots of espresso? Yikes, I was thinking 2 was plenty!

So eating out was really tough. I kept ordering the wrong thing. It sounded good, but tasted too greasy or salty or just, not good. I've realized the question is not: Will this taste good? But more importantly: Will this feel good to me after I've eaten it?

I erred in this department many a time whilst on vacation. Spiced chocolate donut in San Francisco? Delicious, but felt like a rock in my stomach immediately after eating it! Salmon my dad grilled with some sauteed chard and shallots? Yum on both accounts.

Okay, on to the things I've learned from this crazy PCP journey.

1. Change is really hard.

I had a clue about this from the international move I did last year.

Habit-changing is harder.

Especially when new habits you are cultivating involve lots of physical challenges.

That's why people avoid this hardship whenever possible and stay seated on the couch.

2. Challenges feel good.

I have never felt stronger or more happy about how I feel and look.

The last rep of the last set of the workout always had a tinge of nostalgia: I'm not doing that anymore... wait, yay!!!! Even on massively sweaty days felt like I was accomplishing something, something gross, but something good!

3. You Must Pay Attention.

Getting flabby and losing energy doesn't happen overnight. It is a process of ignoring your body's needs that you know is happening, but don't always acknowledge or rationalize with lame excuses.
Doing exercises poorly because it is a little less painful doesn't help you in the end. Do it right! Right now!
Eating whatever makes you feel good in the moment does not make you feel good long-term.
Pay attention to your actions and their impact on your body.
Yes, I am a teacher. Can you tell?

4. The Muscle that is hardest to see changing is the one inside your skull!

Really it takes even longer than the abs to come through!
The sweating, grunting and forceful exhaling is all easy once you have worked on the mind.
Getting up off the couch is the serious challenge. It takes more than 90 days to master.
It will continue to be the thing I need to work on gray days like today when I think: jumproping before breakfast? but why? Putting on the shoes and making it happen makes me feel better. I will keep making the effort to remember this.

5. Keep talking through the rough parts.

This workout thing is no picnic. Remembering to blog about the hard parts and supporting others through them is why this project works. On days when I wasn't feeling up to the task, I thought about the rest of my team who were also dealing with these thoughts and other major changes in their lives and realized, if they can do it, so can I. Some days I could only do the workout after I read everyone else's blog for a boost. Thanks Team!

I think this applies to other hard things in life, as well. The idea of being independent and working it out alone isn't as important to me now, as is the idea of getting something done however I can, even if that means feeling weak and asking for help along the way.

Final thoughts... really, I'll stop stealing the spotlight from the newbies!

When I started this project, I didn't know if I could do it. I thought it would get too hard and I knew that my capoeira friends, Shivani and Emily, were stronger, had a better game than I and might just be more physically capable. I realized throughout the program that it isn't about being more muscly or athletic. People of all ages can do PCP... and have. The folks with really low body fat percentages already, big guys and gals, the 40+ crew, the still-in-college crowd and people who have the coveted six-pack on day 50, are all DOING THE SAME WORKOUT.

The biggest challenge was to convince myself that it was worth my time and effort to spend a few months focusing on making myself stronger, inside and out. I definitely had help in this from Patrick, my Running Rats team, my number one assistant (aka Head Chef & Cheerleader on the Homefront), as well as my folks, my friends, and all of you reading this thing RIGHT NOW. Knowing complete strangers were keeping tabs on me too-- I see you blog counter!-- helped me stay focused during the tough times when I wanted to bail on the whole thing. I am very grateful for the chance to be a better version of myself from year 33 onward.

Good luck to all the just started PCPers, the Day 66ers (team Sexaay! I believe?), Day 36ers and all of you out there waiting in the wings. It is worth the commitment and the struggle. Just get down to it!

Day 90: Part B, Post-Workout, in the Midst of Leaving the Country Craziness!

2010-07-13T10:18:00.001-07:00

It's been a whirlwind today.

First the workout. I chose Day 9 because I wanted something with lunges (formerly my archnemesis) and leg-ups. The first time I did the lunges I didn't believe Patrick's 'no rest between sets' because I absolutely HAD to walk around and stretch my thighs before putting my poor legs through another set. I wanted to see if it still felt like this 81 days later.

I still felt the burn, but I didn't think at any point that I wouldn't make it through, as I had so many times in the midst of a workout. The leg-ups also gave a bit of a burn. I take this as my abs and legs still needing a little attention and some more pushing. No biggie.

Everything else was cake.

I finished the whole thing in 20 minutes, with the 600 jumps.

Post-workout I had the snack that I wanted... fruit and an egg white!

Well, I also had an iced espresso WITH MILK which I've been craving ever since it got hot. One of these a day (with the morning milk allotment) was simply not enough.

The celebratory lunch was at the neighborhood Italian joint. Delicious shrimp with linguine and a salad with orange slices and (formerly forbidden) walnuts. And a glass of white wine. Which just makes me sleepy and feel crazy. Followed by marscapone with fruit and an espresso.

Delicious, but my stomach was churning from the buttery shrimp preparation all afternoon.

I'm feeling accomplished, a little frazzled, definitely not ready to say sayonara yet. Deep-ish thoughts yet to come... when I'm not in the midst of packing, trying to remember my American bank PIN and other important details!

But a big CONGRATULATIONS to my Running Rats crew. It would be lovely to meet you all in person and tell you I think you're awesome. In lieu... well, I just said it.

Day 90: Part A, Pre-Workout Inspiration

2010-07-13T01:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is the Final Countdown!

Day 89: The Day that was lost in the Void

2010-07-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

Can you say 'hot?' Jeez Louise!I had to show off just how much I was sweating to all those around because I was not only dripping from my face, head, arms, chest... well, the normal parts... but also I had big drips of sweat down my legs!

Needless to say, the plank failure in today's workout was not all related to my ab muscles and more related to the friction quotient betwixt yoga mat and sweaty arms. Alas.

I knew this was the hardest workout and yes, there was some grunting and exasperated breathing, but it was do-able. I still had that horrible idea midway through: Is this really what I want to be doing? but I pushed that unhelpful thought away with a forceful exhalation.

It's a weird feeling being almost done. Weirder still that we are somewhere between Day 88 (the sequel) and "COMPLETE!" It makes me question what I've done so far and wonder if there's more still to come.

Do I have the tools to get myself into the best shape ever?

YES!

Do I feel healthier and more aware of diet, exercise and the importance of sleep in feeling good and being energetic?

ABSOLUTELY!

Am I proud of what I've accomplished?

YEP!

Do I think I could have pushed myself more some days on some exercises?

CERTAINLY!

Am I in Peak Condition?

MAYBE NOT.

It's this last part that's causing me a little angst. You see, I still haven't achieved all of my Day 1 goals. I've exceeded others (hello, weight loss!? wow!) But I am wondering about the could-have-dones that I didn't do. That--- let's face it-- if I didn't do during this 90-day blitz, will I ever?

On Day 91, I'm also headed for a two-week+ vacation to the U.S. It is a little, but expensive treat to myself because of my hard work and because I really do want to see my friends and family. I'll celebrate with a friend at her wedding, go camping and hiking with my folks, and tool around the old neighborhood and eat out (often) with friends. I'm really looking forward to the trip, but also conscious that the PCP maintenance plan starts on Wednesday and I don't want to blow it just because I'm away from home.

Perhaps it is like Patrick suggests: just focus on one thing at a time, don't look ahead and psych yourself out of it. Still breathing... and sweating.

Day 88: The German Gym Experience

2010-07-11T04:54:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to go to just any gym. I used to belong to the YWCA in Brooklyn, which was totally awesome. Not so much for the facilities (a little bit run-down) but for the quality group fitness classes. The aerobics classes teacher was super hardcore and really made the workout fun; the big ladies that were in the class with me who would 'testify' when they felt the burn and jumping around doing weird moves, but having this communal goofiness in the class made it a great time.

Then they closed the YW. And tried to move us all to the YMCA. Which was shiny and new and totally overcrowded, with yoga classes full of skinny girls who seemed competitive about their poses and machines that were lined up like products on a shelf. It was just so... bleh.

So I wanted to make sure I tried out a gym I'd really consider going to, were I the gym-going type once again. So I tried a 'ladies' gym. The whole idea is a good one, women don't want to go to a place where they are being checked out in their spandex or where they have to think too hard about what to wear, they just want to get a good workout. Not that there isn't enough sizing up between women, but perhaps without that creep* vibe that seems to be a part of the mixed-gender gym scene.

*more on creeps to come

Anyway, I tried out a yoga class and a figurworkout class. The first was not very interesting, really slow and not at all like the yoga classes I had been in before. I did have some challenging moments where I was really having to think a lot about my breathing and to be aware of which muscles I was supposed to be using and not. I may do yoga again, but probably not there.

The second 'figurworkout' class was a strange combination of silly and serious. There was massive amounts of set up involved: 3 yoga mats, one trampoline, one resistance band, 2 1-kg weights per person. The room was like a giant tumbling playground. The moves were very '80s aerobics video. I worked up a good sweat, but the whole jumping around (while wearing socks-- which seemed crazy dangerous to me) and doing these silly moves while maintaining an air of utter seriousness, just didn't work for me.

It was good to see ladies of all ages, shapes and sizes there working up a sweat. I did learn a new ab exercise that I may use again. I do appreciate their catering to the ladies with a sauna, wellness room (read 'spa' area), and playroom for kids. I thought the machine set-up bizarre: group 'bauchkiller' (stomach killer) classes are held around a glowing neon pole, so you can face each other while pedaling your stomach to death. Also the radial formation around the TV for the stair climbers, bikes, and other stationary workout machines (including some strange new contraption called vibrating pads!?) was all set-up to distract you from your workout, rather than to encourage you to focus on your muscle work.

In addition, the reception desk served as a mini cafe, complete with three kinds of water and an assortment of 'flavorings' that you could add, as well as other items in tiny plastic goo packets, supposedly some sort of energy/vitamin supplements to enhance your workout with the glow stick.

*Creeps

More are following me. Literally. Yesterday I was shopping for some shorts that don't fall down, when I saw this flash out of the corner of my eye. Some guy had a camera by his leg and secretly took my picture while I was perusing the clothes rack. At first I was totally weirded out, then I decided I should find one of the store employees and report this creep. So I started following him. Maybe I could yell at him or flex a bicep angrily in his direction and give him the idea that what he was doing was not cool. He made a bee-line for the exit and I continue to shake my fist angrily in his general direction.

Why have I become a creep magnet?

Alright, post-morning jumping and two gym classes, it's time to do my Day 88 workout.

Wish me energy in the heat!

Day 87: Losing Weight and Wrong-Way Bras

2010-07-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm all for the 8.5 kilo (18 lbs!) weight loss. Sort of surprised that I was carrying around that much extra baggage. No wonder I would be breathing hard by the time I got to the 5th floor of my building...

It's the equivalent of carrying around my vacuum cleaner all day...

or a big watermelon that I could never eat.

Generally it is an excellent thing. I can jump around now and feel light and healthy and good.

But did I really have to lose so much from the boob department?

My formerly too-tight bras have gone from fitting well again to this bizarre elephant skin-fabric indentation thing. It is like a grape, before it becomes a raisin.

Clearly there was something in there once, behind the fabric, but now it is just a memory...

It is awkward especially when trying to shop in a metric-based world. I just have to try lots of things on before I figure out my size in normal clothes. But I had to return some bras that were woefully too large for me in the smallest of sizes! I fear they do not make bras small enough for me in this country. What's less than an A-cup anyway? I think I'm resorting to pre-teen training bras, which are almost like sports bras anyway, until I get this thing figured out!

Enough of the bitching.

Workout update: the supersets are excellent and make me feel super-strong. It is really amazing that I can do these now. I never would have thought it 87 days ago. I am very much like a superhero now when doing my workouts. However, the Davinci/Forward Shoulder Raise combo is KILLLER!!! I had to resort to my green rubber band, which I think is really made for the gray-haired workout crowd. I guess a gray-haired superhero is still a superhero.

Day 86: It's taken me this many days, but now I know I can really do this!

2010-07-09T01:37:00.000-07:00

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

Calvin Coolidge

Day 85: ISO Tailbone Cushion

2010-07-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

Nearing the end, but still wishing I could actually match the proper form on some exercises.

Namely, my scrappy V-sits.

They haven't gone any pretty as I've gotten stronger.

I think I need a thicker mat (I've been using a yoga mat) to cushion my bones properly. I already looked ahead and the week is full of V-sits! Must buy this tomorrow morning, so I can get my workout in before it is 34 degrees (93 F). Yes, this is in Germany!

At least the Pistol Squats are over. Though I did feel like I could do them the right way today. With a little bit of cursing and grunting, of course.

Hang in, Running Rats et al. The end is in sight.

Day 84: Only Jumps Day!

2010-07-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

The last one!

Oh, how I relish the respite you give me from my resistance band.

Surely this week will be the hardest one.

In other news: I snuck extra egg whites into a restaurant and sliced them into my salad.

The stealthy healthy eater strikes!

Hang in there Running Rats! Less than a week to go.

Day 83: The Problem with Going 'Public'

2010-07-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

I've been bothered today by some comments a random member of our online society left on my flick'r page. Though they were complimentary, they objectified me, specifically parts of my body that I feel are my hard-earned muscle-y bits, that I didn't especially want people other than those supportive PCP-ers and friends to comment upon. I visited this commenter's page, to see if he was someone I should know from the PCP world at large, and found many other pictures of snippets of womens' bodies. Which creeped me out.

I know this whole project is public for a reason. I am more accountable for my workouts, for the hours of sweating grumpiness that I've gone through so that I could get myself into this shape. Without posting pics each week, I probably would have had a little less push or taken it easier on myself in the midst of a tough set of exercises.

I guess what is bothering me is the fact that this online 'cat call' has the ability to upset me, to make me feel like I've shown too much of myself and to be even more self-conscious about having my pics online. When I stand tall and pose for my weekly update shot, I'm feeling proud of my accomplishments, my hard work and trying to make my muscles look their best. Getting a response from some random loser shouldn't take that pride, courage and confidence away from me.

I blocked that person from commenting on my page in the future and deleted his comments, but I wish there was some more acute form of punishment to let him know that he's an asshole and moreover, that my body, or any of ours for that matter, are ultimately private. These blogs and self-portraits are a way to chronicle our progress for ourselves, not for the prying eyes of online oglers.

Day 82: Haribo Rescue

2010-07-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

I had to eat some candy today.

I ate some delicious fish at lunch and got a fish bone stuck in the way back soft palate-y part of my mouth. Where it stabbed me at frequent, yet unforeseeable intervals for about 4 hours this afternoon. I tried drinking lots of water, forcefully swallowing yogurt, stabbing at it with a tiny spoon, until I made something bleed! eek! That's when I bought some yogurt gummis. They are clearly not so much yogurt, as pure sugar, but they have a lovely mushiness about them that you can shove around in the back of your mouth until it stabs the wayward fishbone and then you can swallow it whole.

Of course part of my suffering was during my German class. I learned how to say fishbone: Gräte, which I of course, instantly messed up by saying I had a Geräte in my throat. Geräte means gadgetry or hardware. Oh, this language learning is great, if only for the comedy I provide to others.

More on the German swimming pool experience to come.

Day 81: Food Galore and Minor (?) Knee Hijinks

2010-07-04T01:31:00.000-07:00

First the food.

I've had some extra time on my hands-- I love you summer vacation!-- and so I've had a little more time to devote to extra good eating, PCP-style, of course.

Breakfast today: shredded chicken on a bed of lettuce with a 1.5 fried egg with scallions, sun-dried tomatoes and white radishes. Carbs were eaten while preparing the rest!

More Muesli!

Posing with berries and a look of post-workout bliss

Post-workout snack with extra fresh yogurt mixed in strawberries, cherries and johannisberries on top.
Delicious!

Now for the not-so-good.

My knee has been hurting. Both my knees make horrible cracking/popping noises normally, but they don't usually hurt. Friday I walked a lot and the knees felt twisty and not good. I took it easy yesterday: one set of jumps followed by biking around town and a little walking. I intended to go swimming, but didn't make it there.

Apparently there is a fabulous new city pool just a short walk from my house. But it involves overcoming one of my fears/dislikes: negotiating new activities in German. This is also problematic for Patrick's new homework: checking out a gym. This task would be heinous enough, just jumping rope in public is strange enough, let alone working out in close quarters, in our own independent bubble, but right next to other sweaty persons... but add to that the fact that I am worried I will not be understood when I want to 'try-out' a gym for a day as 'trial membership' that involves some sort of per month commitment that I neither want nor can afford at the moment. Ugh. I guess I'll have to make a cheat sheet of possible words in German that I may hear and make sure I don't sign anything more than 1 page in length.

Back to the knees. I jumped without too much difficulty today, though I did have to stretch things out between sets to keep going. The heavy leg/knee focus in today's workout is making me cringe. My knees do not like Pistol Squats, even when they are feeling strong and limber. Can I substitute some regular Squats or Lunges? Or is that cheating so close to the finish line? Patrick?

Day 79: Squeezing in an Indulgence

2010-07-02T14:53:00.001-07:00

It was really hot here today, so I did my workout before noon.

I finally bought my 'fitness' gloves, as they are called here, hopefully I can focus on the abs now instead of the blisters forming on my hands during Kung-Fu Sit-ups. Much hilarity in trying to ask the clerk if they were supposed to fit tightly... he looking me up in my skirt and tank top... me in halting German explaining that I need to use them for pull-ups... him looking at me skeptically... that is until I tried a dumbbell curl and shocked him with my awesome biceps!

But the real point of this post: INDULGENCE 3!!!

I almost didn't want to go for it. Since watery, veggie stuffs, and fruit, are the new loves of my life. But I figured sushi, a little white wine... oh, and of course an ice cream sundae... and perhaps a beer, would be delightful on this wonderfully warm day.

A delightful starter: glass noodles (salty!), cranberry juice mixed with mineral water, and white wine!

Asparagus tempura... too fried and drizzled with mayonnaise!

Sushi... to share. It's only 1000-calorie indulgence, after all.

The raspberry sundae and espresso macchiato.

The vanilla gelato was delicious. I didn't see the point of the whipped cream, clearly it was just in my way. The raspberries were delightfully tart. I will probably never eat this sundae again. And that's just fine.

Contemplating, post-sushi...

The final piece was a delightfully, refreshing Schneider Weisse .5L beer. The perfect accompaniment to a tense football match. Still feeling sad about Ghana's loss and the general malaise that accompanies my post-indulgence body. I feel kind of loogy. Slower, heavy... of course it is still really hot, so it's hard to tell which part of the evening is causing these feelings. I guess I expected to feel even worse. Perhaps because I spread this out over several hours... 5? I'm not feeling like I packed in the calories, though I certainly did. Maybe this is my warning about overconsumption in the future. You can still eat an awful lot, even if it takes a long time, it still adds up. Off to find an aspirin!

Day 78: Muesli and Malevolent Musings

2010-07-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

First the muesli.

I had as much as allowable and it was delicious. I'm so excited about the real good food possibilities that are both PCP-friendly AND accepted as 'normal.' Read, not banana-egg white-dinner shakes. Muesli totally fits the healthy and normal bill. As well, it is deliciously scrumptious and varied, depending on the type of fruit and grains and creaminess of the yogurt. The Swiss definitely have this one down. I will master my own version, post-PCP. Or perhaps this week.

Because I need some projects to structure my time.

Now that school has ended, I have much more time on my hands, though not a whole lot of it turns out to be productive.

I am realizing through this project some of my negative habits that interfere with my ability to get stuff done. Putting off a workout through as much of the day as possible, is just one piece of this. Procrastinating the unpleasant-- cleaning, organizing, doing generally unfun tasks-- is all very ordinary, but leads to a sloth-like, searching the web, aimlessly, behavior, that really isn't what I want to spend the bulk of my time doing. If I keep putting off things, because they are hard or unpleasant or take effort and time to achieve, I will turn back into the blob on the couch that I've been working for 70+ days to snap myself out of. I wish I felt energized pre-workout, as I do post-, so that I'd have that kick to get going and do stuff.

Of course, comparing myself to other teammates and previous PCP folks isn't helping, as they seem to be in the 'natural high' portion of enjoying exercise and feeling great about doing workouts and extra sessions of other fun activities. Like doing the 8-Minute Abs routine, just because it is rewarding. People, this is day 78 and I STILL HAVEN'T DONE IT. This happy-exercising-super-productive-successful-and-muscly-PCPer seems to be the norm this far along in the project, but is totally NOT how I'm feeling about my project. I'm struggling still just to do my time, eeking out an hour of hard work, then relaxing again. Is there something wrong with me that I'm still not 'getting' about working out? Am I destined to be a sloth?

Ugh. The negative self-talk certainly isn't helping. Time to go feel good about myself... perhaps with some poorly executed pistol squats?

Grr.

Day 77: When faced with cheese lasagna... you eat the lasagna.

2010-06-30T00:41:00.001-07:00

Ah, back from Basel! Ein Wünderschön Stadt!

It was beautiful, 33 degrees C every day, so I melted, but enjoyed every minute.

I also got slightly smarter, from the whole workshop aspect, that was really the point of getting to go to Switzerland in the first place. It was great to explore a new city and with my excellent map-reading skills, I managed to walk up and down and around one street I wanted to find three times before realizing I was there! A good workout, indeed.

It is a town full of hills and hidden staircases, which I can handle now, without too much huffing and puffing. I was especially aware of the older Swiss folks, who are remarkably fit and spry. Sure, some of them need a snazzy umbrella-style cane to help them wander about the twisty lanes, but they don't let a little balance issue affect their ability to get where they want to go.

I hope to be wandering about with gusto 50 years from today.

In the evenings I went a little crazy with the Japanese food... good, not too heavy, clearly visible vegetables (i.e. not buried under cheeses or sauces). The first night, as I tried to find a shady place to stop sweating, was a delightful noodle house: my choice, a cold ramen meal with chicken and fresh veggies. Delicious and immensely satisfying... though hard to stop myself from eating all the ramen noodles.

The food at the workshop was a little harder to handle. When faced with cheesy veggie lasagna or nothing, you eat the lasagna. I had a little panic about the missing protein, the overabundance of non-PCP items in the meal, but at some point I started breathing normally and moved on with my life.

Moments like that are helping me to cope with the 'what happens next' question. Next being the rest of my life. What happens being, trying to stay healthy, muscley and at a weight near my present one, not my former lifestyle that meant I was carrying around an extra 7 kgs. I'm still feeling a bit angsty about this one. I guess I've got 13 more days to figure this one out.

Day 73: New Pics and a Trip to the Land of Chocolate!

2010-06-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Switzerland for 4 days. Away from the comforts of my exercise nook and digital scale and into a land of rich milk, cheeses and of course, chocolate.
Chocolate near Basel, Switzlerland (52 results)

Do I buy a treat for post-PCP or just avoid temptation all together? Actually more than chocolate, I'm looking forward to some good breakfast muesli with yogurt, grains and fruits all mixed together in this wonder compote where the grains are tender and everything is super delicious.

Maybe I can count my morning fruit in with breakfast? Oh, if only breakfast buffets were arranged with all foods separated by type for appropriate PCP-gram estimations! At least I can trust that they will have boiled eggs and the buffet, though probably soft-boiled... it is Europe, after all! Wish me luck!

Day 71: SUMMER approaches and I'm already feeling smarter!

2010-06-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming slightly obsessed with how to keep my good habits post-PCP. Which coincides directly with taking a long 2.5-week trip away from the good habits of home, on the day after finishing the program!

I'll have a mini-trial this weekend as I go solo to a workshop in Switzerland, a land of deliciously rich cheese and unweighable buffet breakfasts. I'm hoping I can jump in my hotel room without a riot from fellow hotel-dwellers. Has anybody tried this? Otherwise I'm bringing my running shoes and there seems to be a lovely river nearby.

Perhaps this planning for the future, rather than the right now, is my way of coping with the current multiple reps, groaning through sets, cursing at my resistance band stage. I am pushing through and doing all my sets... but I'm upset that failure still feels like failure to me. If I can do 30 Davincis on the first set and then only 13 on the last one, how is that not a shortcoming? An actual failure on my part?

I've lost 7.5 kilos now and I am comfortably at a weight that I last saw probably 14 years ago. This also means my formerly too-tight pants are too big for me now, too. Even some of my skirts fall down. Bizarre. I think I'll work on learning how to do alterations over my summer vacation. Here's to summer, one-half day of school away, and counting!

Day 70: Mustering up some strength

2010-06-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

It is probably the stress of finishing up my first year in a new school and the new German class I just started, coupled with the requisite food prep. and workout time of PCP, but I am EXHAUSTED. Almost too worn out to be enthusiastic about 20 MORE DAYS of PCP!

but not quite.

I had a 1-hour window between school and German class this afternoon in which to do my jumps. Instead I put on my all my workout gear and fell asleep on the couch, which made me late for class.

Now I am cursing the neighbors setting off fireworks and blowing those #@%! horns for the World Cup that keep me from sleeping.

In a few hours, I will be cursing at the birds that awaken me with their 4am singing (that is right before the sun comes up). Grrrr.

The time of day when I like to still have my eyes shut.

Only 20 days left of getting into peak condition, but my grumpiness refuses to leave! Hrmph.

Day 68: Keep On Truckin!

2010-06-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

22 more days people!

Don't let the 90-second planks get you down!

Kalasipalaya. Keep on trucking.

from a truck in Bangalore, India

Day 67: Pavlova and Other People

2010-06-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

It was the end-of-year shindig.

I ate some Pavlova.

I was trying to just eat the berry topping, granted, with a dollop of cream and ended up having some of the crunchy, sugary, egg-whitey merenguey-ness too. So sweet! Eek! I realized that not only was it waaaay over the top with sugar, but that if I ever eat that dessert again--it is quite a thing of wonder to behold--I should only ever have a bit of crunch with my berries. Because the berries are really the delicious part.

This party followed the staff luncheon: lots of homemade salads and sides, sufficient vegetables and a BBQ provided by my employer. Of course, this is Germany, so while I had hopes of grilled chicken or turkey or something fowl, the real choices were: pork, pork or pork. Oh yes, when you ask there is some variety: pig stomach, steak (made of pig), or bratwurst (also from our dear friend, pig), so at least it's not all the same, right? Oh, German cuisine.

I needed my 90 grams of protein, so I headed across the street for a bagel chicken sandwich. I guess pre-PCP I ate these things regularly and found them quite tasty, without giving much thought to the additional flavorings included. But now I find the mustard/cream cheese/layer of mystery spices not only excessive, but kind of gross, too.

Also for my birthday, my kind co-workers supplied cakes, jello shots and granola bars. I said 'thanks.' I can't really ask people to find the joy in raw bell peppers, if they're not already so inclined.

It is a strange thing, the connection between sweets and pleasure; chocolate and indulgence.

As I continue to be more visibly fit, I find that my appearance seems to make other people feel uncomfortable. Though I'm not trying to 'flaunt' my new physique, just having lost weight and gained muscle seems to make those around me nest their compliments with self-directed critique. I didn't expect that by getting in better shape I would be making people feel inadequate, rather than inspired.

Much more eloquent thoughts on this topic from Pingu:

http://thekungfubody-emily.blogspot.com/2010/06/do-you-hear-that.html

The other weird thing about people commenting on my weight loss and fit physique is the thought: "I must have been huge before! Why didn't anyone tell me?"

chunky hedgehog and healthy hedgehog

New pics going up now!

Day 64: The Importance of Being Regularly Fed

2010-06-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

I almost lost it today on the pistol squats.

I was five seconds away from turning into a pool of tears and muscley mush on the floor.

drawing by Dane

This is how we would look without any bones in our body. We would be a blob and we could not stand.

(I love the internet for pictures like this!!!)

I couldn't get up from the squats starting in the third set and kept pushing through the fourth. I gave up the fifth altogether... because I realized I would either disintegrate into tears or move on to the next exercise and be able to finish my workout.

I moved on. Then realized that the reason I probably fell apart was because I put off my afternoon snack until 7:30pm. If I going to stay at school for 12 hours, I've got to pack some more meals!

I'm with Todd and Mikhael on this week's workout... still tough, still a challenge, even after nine weeks of 'getting used' to these workouts. I'm still hoping I can be strong enough to get through these next few weeks. Still carrying the pig!

Day 63: 9 Weeks Down!

2010-06-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

Go Team Running Rats!

Beautiful sunset here... seven more days of school. Then I can focus on becoming my most awesome, buff self.

In other news, I spoke about eating well and knowing where your food comes from and the need for unprocessed foods in our lives in German class today. Not only a real conversation starter, but I could make myself understood auf Deutsch!

I've been so busy with PCP, teaching & end-of-year wrap-up, and German, that my capoeira practice has slacked off. I'm hoping I can get back into the swing with that soon. Otherwise my goal of doing some awesome gymnastic moves will be unrealized in the 90-day timeframe I was hoping for.

Well, good luck to us all as we enter WEEK TEN!!!! Yay RRs!

Day 61: Unsatisfied

2010-06-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

It's a weird way to feel on your birthday.

I'm stuck in between being lackadaisical and feeling defeated.

Concern #1: Hunger

I thinking I'm not eating enough vegetables when Patrick says AMAYW (as many as you want) for lunch and dinner.

Concern #2: Enough of the Salads

Having had out-of-town visitors, I would accompany my guests to good German restaurants where the only thing remotely PCP friendly was, you guessed it, SALAD! I've eaten so many. Somtimes two in a day. Enough!

Concern #3: The Six-Pack

It's not a make-or-break for me. I still have some stomach fat and little rolls when I sit and stare at my stomach. (I try not to do this often) I don't think the six-pack is coming for me. And I don't really care. The not caring is the part that concerns me more. If I'm doing this whole 90-day project, shouldn't I care? Am I just saying I don't care because I'm feeling anxious that it won't happen? No, I think I really don't care!

Concern #4: Lack of Abs

I know, this ties into the prior concern, but I still feel really weak on the V-Sits, Bicycles (which are more of a leg workout than the abs--Thank you Jason! I'm glad I'm not the only one with this concern!) and the not-even-close Kung-fu Sit-ups. I probably need to crackdown and finally do that 8-minute ab video. Hrrmph.

All of this is probably not made better by my avoidance of my workout until now (after 9pm here). At least the sun is still up. I've got to get to it!

Day 60: Logistics, Milestones, and Making it Work!

2010-06-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

Congrats to all my Running Rats!

60 days down and we're looking good!

It's been a busy week, so I've been thinking about blogging, but not getting to it.

Just celebrated my 10-year anniversary, 33 years of me (tomorrow) and my 60th day of PCP!

A spontaneous trip to nearby Coburg and their all-night weekend flohmarkt (garage sale/flea

market that takes over the entire center of the city) was the way to celebrate.

It was a bit of a disaster food-wise, as my spontaneous planning did not involve bring hard-boiled eggs with me or remembering my food chart. But after 60 days, I've learned that sometimes you just have to accept that life isn't always lived precisely within guidelines, and although you ordered the wrong soup, because it has cream... everything will be okay.

The first look at the castle... far, far away

I substituted jumping today for a serious hike up the town's hill to visit the castle. The problem was starting on the adjoining hill and seeing the castle and then realizing one must first walk down a valley and then up the real hill that the castle was on to get there. I rediscovered my butt muscles.

Taking the stairs to the top, shorter, but harder!

The view from the top

Leaving with smaller pants, and wearing an emergency belt purchase: clothes to fit my new body!

Tomorrow is my birthday and so in following German tradition, I must bring in treats! This was a bit tricky, since baking usually involves sugar and salt and cream and other taboo food bits. I compromised with a zucchini basil muffin recipe. Savory, not sweet. Minimal sugar (less than 1/4 cup in 20 muffins) and salt (a generous pinch), as I'm a little superstitious about what will or won't happen with the baking chemistry if I leave these things out.

As I close, I'm watching the Germany vs. Australia World Cup game. Those damn horns make it sound like I'm surrounded by a swarm of bees and people set off fireworks whenever Germany scores. It's freaking out the cats!

I'll just imagine the bees are rooting for us all in the next 30 days. Go Team Running Rats!

Day 55 and counting!

2010-06-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Time to take after Ren, Todd and other food mavens and post my food pics!

Life has gotten considerably better since the farm deliveries to my house began. The weekly bins include milk, hearty bread and mystery produce! Each week there's something different. It helps with the variety thing Patrick is always pushing us to have in our diet. However, there is always some troublesome item that I have to figure out how to cook. This week's challenge was not-sweetened rhubarb. Here were my results:

Garden ends casserole!

fennel, kohlrabi, leeks, rhubarb and some chicken hiding under it all

spiced with tumeric, marjoram, balsamic vinegar and some chicken broth

I decided rhubarb was a vegetable, what with its stemmy-ness and its celery look-alike qualities and baked some for my evening veggies and for tomorrow's lunch.

Baked rhubarb with yogurt, cinnamon and light touch of maple syrup

The yogurt w/rhubarb was sour, but tasty. I'll report back on the casserole after tomorrow's lunch!

Day 54: The Bad, the Good and the Things That Keep Me Up at Night

2010-06-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

First the bad:

My chest dips are like shoulder shrugs. I can't find two same-height surfaces that don't make my wrists hurt, that are a reasonable distance away from each other. I tried the kitchen counters (too far apart) and even climbed in the bathtub to try that today (too low)!

I'm afraid to go too low in my push-ups-- the fear of smashing my nose on the floor when I lose all muscle control-- so I'm not going down as low as I think I should.

My kung fu sit-ups don't work because my arms are too tired to hold my body weight at the end of the workout. I can't get my legs straight or to 90 degrees, let alone hold them for a moment and hold a breath. This makes me feel wussy.

My biceps and shoulders seem massive to me... which makes me think I'm overcompensating with these stronger muscles and not working out others as much.

I also feel bad that thinking these muscles are too big... I am feeling good about my body, I should like all of the new muscles equally!

I'm not sleeping enough. The sun being up until after 9pm and rising around 4am isn't helping at all!

Maybe not bad or good:

I was too out-of-sorts post-Indian food to eat the chocolate gelato I was craving... so I ate a cookie at my favorite coffee shop today... many hours post-indulgence time.

Okay, now the good:

Size 8 pants! Or 38 or 40 in Germany, depending on the brand. Size 42s are a thing of the past...

I'm enjoying the food still. Even kefir... even plain yogurt... even (dare I say?) egg whites! If you aren't eating frittatas as a way to have eggs and protein and veggies, you aren't living. They are a most excellent breakfast.

I am a bajillion times stronger than 54 days ago.

Jumping rope felt fun and easy today.

I'm doing my workout every day.

I'm still getting compliments from people I see every day.

Now the worries:

Is it normal that my wrists hurt every day?
Should my knees make horrible cracking noises in the creep and pistol squats?

Ugh. Time to get some sleep.

Day 53: Indulging!

2010-06-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Body,

I understand now why you crave creamy, spicy, super flavorful foods. They taste good. But those heavy foods are too much work to digest, sap you of strength and generally make you feel about as motivated as a rock. Food that makes you feel good involves crunch and plants and sometimes a bit of grilling.

That 2-hour nap you had to take today after Indian food-- yes, it was delicious butter chicken, chili ginger naan and a sweet, but not too sweet mango lassi-- shows what hard work it is to break down this kind of food into something useful for you. So let's stick to the good stuff, okay?

Thanks.

the rescue salad... crunchy, but salty

Day 50: Hanging out with the Italians

2010-06-03T14:35:00.001-07:00

Me with a teddy bear, not my Italian friends

I'm still following my eating and jumping and working out regimen with visitors from out-of-town. We ended up at a really tasty organic food restaurant in the touristy town of Rothenburg ob der Tauber today. Beet soup, scallop with warm veggie/lentil salad and green salad made for an excellent lunchtime feast. I think my friends think I'm a little insane with the banana-milk-egg white dinner. I agree with them on this point and pine for the time when I can eat with others in the evening again.

Happily they cooked dinner tonight, which means I will have some killer lunch pasta tomorrow.

Italian friends serving up some awesome-smelling-looking pasta

I'm definitely looking forward to a planning my future indulgence in a dinner out sometime this weekend.

Day 46: Feeling Something New

2010-05-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up today with a new thought about PCP.

I realized that this isn't something I'm doing because I have to do it or someone else is making me do... I'm doing this because I want to. So it is time to stop being grumpy about working out.

I think it is important to get in my best shape and relearn how to eat in a healthy-as-possible way. And it is only going to last for 44 more days. So I have to take some tips from Patrick, my Running Rats crew, and the past PCPers to heart. Starting today.

I didn't jump first thing, because I realize that I don't really jump as effectively when I'm not

fully awake, and was okay with that.

Delicious, over-the-top breakfast, because arugula is almost weightless, you can barely see the german pancake (120 mg flour, 120 ml milk, 2 eggs baked in a cast-iron skillet with a wee bit of olive oil coating for 15 minutes at 200-210 degrees Celsius: split with one person to stay on

PCP track).

Unpleasant task of ironing eagerly performed, so that I can finally hem those small-waisted pants and finally have something to wear to work this week that fits me!

Followed by a good, hard workout complete with the jumping because it is fun and goofy and what you do when you are nine years old, then lots of talking myself through the pistol squats, push-ups and bicycles.

The weather today, pouring rain followed by hot sun that dries off the bike paths, seems to echo this transition in my thoughts.

Gloomy with bits of clear, blue sky... ah, Germany!

Day 44: The Talk with Mom

2010-05-28T07:50:00.001-07:00

My folks live in the healthiest place in the USA: Boulder, Colorado. This means my mom is surrounded by athletes, both extreme and average, including lots of octogenarians that attend her workout class. It has been inspiring to hear about her adjustment to Colorado, the people she's met and befriended at exercise class, her running routine and race preparation and all the rest of the healthy-happy-middle-aged-plus stuff that she's up to. I'm glad to think of her, a not-old woman in her sixties, living a healthy fulfilled life.

So that's why the Diet Coke bothers me.

My mom is so smart and fitness-focused, but drinks these carbonated, aspartame-filled beverages! Water is okay! Drink seltzer! Add lemon or some raspberries! Ween yourself off the aspartame!

It just makes me think of my lovely former co-worker-- a very nice, middle-aged lady-- who had a 3 diet snapple per day habit. She was overweight, always struggling to diet and never making progress.

And then when you start to watch more about artificial sweeteners, food subsidies, and big agriculture/government liaisons it all starts to get a bit depressing.

That said, it does reinvigorate my desire to be PCP-ing and reaquainting myself with the right way to eat.

My mom said she wanted to do something for my remaining 46 PCP days, to be my ally in the ongoing nutritional challenge, to 'give something up' too. I don't really think of PCP as giving things up, as much as eating lots more of the right things. So here was my advice and my challenge (if she chooses to accept it):

We'll see how she does.

Mom, mid-hike, on a path near home

Day 43: Failure?

2010-05-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing that's what it was.

On my second set of pushups, after 12 really good ones in fact, I got to number 7, I couldn't push myself back up, let out a horrible grunt that freaked out the rest of the household, and crumbled to the floor.

Then cried.

Now this is supposed to be a good thing?

The rest of the push-ups after that were a mess.

7 at a time tops, some on the knees, whatever I could muster.

Ugh.

On the plus side, I tried Ren's magic cinna-banana mush and added black pepper to make it seem more dinner-y. Awesome!

Also I am now competing with the cats for home-grown balcony baby spinach. Grr!

Kharma caught in the act!

Day 42: AKA 6 weeks of a new habit

2010-05-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

"You're eating all the time."

"Yeah, but she doesn't look like it!"

Aw shucks, thanks co-workers!

Day 40: If you believe in things that you don't understand...

2010-05-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

like I am believing in this project.

Even on days when I just want to nap on the couch and enjoy my holiday (there are an unbelievable amount of Christianity-inspired days off in Germany), and I've got to talk myself into working out... for hours... begrudgingly... grumpily... with lots of reasons why I don't have to... that I've creatively improvised...

but then in comes Stevie Wonder.

and an awesome film called "Inside I'm Dancing" about some paralyzed guys in England who want to live independently.

and a beautiful sunset to end the first day it's been 80 degrees in 2010.

and then I drag my sorry ass off the couch.

and try to take stock of what I've actually done in 40 days.

-lost weight

-bought smaller pants

-uncovered muscles in my arms, legs, shoulders, stomach, chest

-slept better

-eaten smarter

-not missed chocolate every day

-enjoyed veggies more than I ever thought I would

-gotten up to the 4th flight of stairs without feeling winded (not yet my goal of all the way to my 5th floor door, but soon!)

-rediscovered the amazing good taste of naturally sweet things (I love you, Maple Syrup!)

-taken more naps

-generally felt more energetic on a daily basis

-wrangled with my negative impulses that make me want to eat fried foods, drink beer daily and be a couch lump and stay feeling sad about the things that haven't gone right or been easy or will be hard in life

Thank you, Stevie.

I think I need to continue being a little superstitious about what will happen if I don't follow through. 50 more days. I can do this. I need to do this. I will do this.

Day 39: Long Live the Juicer!

2010-05-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

It seemed a bit of a splurge...

but it is so AWESOME!

My afternoon snack of fruit and yogurt was made even better by having freshly juiced apple and blueberries to mix with the yogurt for a crazy creamy tart smoothie. So, so yum.

Also good for an evening vegetable snack: carrot, radish, spinach juice anyone? The carrots make everything taste a little sweeter.

Yay for home juicing!

Now I'm off to what will be a real challenge to my PCP state of mind.

I'm still somewhere between the white and blue belt stages when it comes to not snacking (see Patrick's blog for more details): http://pcpupdate.blogspot.com/2009/08/3-techniques-to-disarm-mallory-eating.html

But today I'm headed off to the Berg, a definite black belt encounter.

The town I live in is known for three things: being the epicenter of engineering/medical technology/electronics giant Siemens, the home of the Erlangen-Nürnberg University and the 3rd largest Beer fest in all of Germany (after Munich and Stuttgart, towns that eclipse the population of wee Erlangen 6-13 times over). It is definitely an event that I shouldn't miss. Except that I'm not drinking.

which makes me feel a little like this:

To be fair, there are many other excellent times for drinking outdoors in Germany, so really I can tough out the next 51 days (who's counting?) and delight in my new muscle tone instead. But they'll have those really salty big-as-your-head pretzels too. And probably grilled whole fish.

Good thing the Bergkirchweih is only two weeks.

Day 38: Sunny!

2010-05-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

Sun in Germany makes everything better. Sun + Lady Gaga = new jumprope moves.

Also breakfast 'congee' of couscous, shrimp, chicken, radish greens, diced radishes, and broiled eggplant makes the day start out right.

Day 36: Just Dance

2010-05-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

I still have my tough jumping moments, but breaking out into dancing helps a lot.

Lady Gaga is surprisingly inspiring.

I'm still talking myself into doing this whole project most days...

"This is just for you, so you know how to be healthy and take care of your body for life.

This isn't about losing weight or none of your pants fitting any more...

Yes, all of your friends are watching, but that's a good thing.

Of course it is hard, that's why you're making progress. Just do your jumps already!"

or some combination of this.

I'm hoping the happy, happy exercise love will kick in soon. Props to my fellow peakers for hanging in when times get tough!

Day 34: Grumble, grumble

2010-05-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Still... jumping... poorly.

Usually it takes about 200 jumps for me to get in a groove.

But today it took 1000 before I felt like I had some real momentum.

Ugh.

I'm not sure what masters of roping I am in this PCP match-up with (go team!) but I am a little jealous and certainly lagging in the masterful, continuous, trip-less jumping.

It just isn't happening for me.

Since I'm in a glum mood, here are some lowlights of the trip to Amsterdam.

Though this has a very low percentage of fat, it is not skim milk. Karnemelk is buttermilk. Though it is very like kefir, which is palatable, it is not the same. And it tastes crappy. Especially when you feel like you bought the whole container and no one else is going to drink it. Bleh.

Amsterdam was in the midst of a sanitation workers strike, so the whole city (actually the whole country) looked crappy and occasionally smelled that way, too.

After walking around endlessly for two days my feet were killing me. Then I did some floor jumps on the balcony. Grrr.

Okay, but my friend made delicious green tea, many cafes have fresh mint tea (without sugar!) and my friend has a lovely cat that watched me curiously during all my exercises. And it was sunny, actually really truly sunny in Amsterdam on Sunday. I guess the buttermilk didn't taint everything. I just wish I could get my jump on.

Day 33: Highlights from PCP on vacation

2010-05-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

Jumping on a hill in a playground overlooking a canal.

The ease of finding unsweetened yogurt and fruit shakes all over town.

Strawberry basil... Awesome!

Spongy playground surfaces and spider-like jungle gyms, perfect for incline pull-ups.

Walking around all day and still mustering up the strength to do 1300 jumps and my exercises.

More walking and sight seeing.

Health-conscious restaurants.

Boutique shopping where the proprietress told me I needed a smaller size! Then she found a red-hooded sweatshirt in the stockroom that fits me perfectly.

Sad popsicle twins.

Also seeing a stork up close on the street.

I almost ran into it.

A good trip, but it is nice to be home where I have my workout corner and can weigh things properly. By the way, new pics are up, a little late, but with a special guest appearance!

Day 28: 4 kg lighter and off to Amsterdam!

2010-05-13T02:50:00.000-07:00

Wish me luck.

I hope I can maintain with the away-from-home eating and fitness plan!

Pics to come.

Day 26: Completely Manic Mondays

2010-05-10T13:28:00.001-07:00

6am wake up, decide not to workout

7am finish breakfast & leave for work

teach until 1:15

1:30 arrive back home, get suited up

Do my PCP workout!!!

3:00 shower and return to school (clean, but still sweating)

4-5 tutoring

5:10 snarf pre-packed dinner

5:30-7:30 go to German class (forgetting registration info, book and room number)

7:45 go to Capoeira

9:45 leave Capoeira

10:30 post on blog

Mondays are going to kill me.

I still can't do the pull-ups. I get in position and the exhale and constrict every muscle I can think of and nothing happens. I don't move. Totally frustrating.

The push-ups are okay, but I know I'm not getting down as far as I should be (i.e. as Patrick is in the pictures).

The creep makes me think I am going to bust something in my knees.

Hopefully Tuesday will be better.

Day 25: Indulgence!

2010-05-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

I lingered over the question all morning: beer or cake?

Since Patrick advised against the ill effects of having a bubble-filled beer after many weeks without, I went with the cake.

Could I wait until some day later this week? Of course not!

Besides, going out for coffee and cake is an excellent thing to do in Germany on Sundays... when everything besides cafes are shut and people walk down the main street window-shopping or play with their kids in the park. After many months, I'm finally seeing the charm in the you-must-relax-Sunday mentality.

The cake I chose was from a delightful coffee shop that always has homemade desserts. I was craving chocolate, but this being Germany, chocolate is inevitably linked to hazelnuts when cake is involved, which I am allergic to. Anyway, I went with the apricot cheesecake.

It looked delicious. It was fluffy and smelled great.

I'd heard all the hype about tasty pre-PCP treats not tasting all that great after a few weeks of no-salt, no-sugar, only good, healthy foods, but I didn't believe it.

I was sure that I would find the cake just as delicious as always and that I would not be convinced of the necessity to cut the extra junk out of my diet.

But...

at the first bite, the flavor was so strong.

The second bite was so sweet... too sweet.

The whole thing just tasted wrong.

I was assured by my taste-tester that it was, indeed, a delicious cheesecake... but not to me!

I'll admit the crust was good, but the cheesy part was far too heavy and just felt like a blobby sugar/dairy lump in my stomach.

I'm a little sad for the lost love of good cake.

Perhaps this will help.

Day 23: Uneven Eating Makes Me Grumpy!

2010-05-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

Today sucked.

I was tired and feeling kind of on autopilot.

I've been having trouble getting to sleep early (as I type this at 11pm) and with my morning up and out by 7am routine, going to sleep late just doesn't jive.

Of course it was a jammed-packed day of teaching, riding fast to my tutoring session, shopping, and going over to a friend's place for a party.

With cookies.

Delicious homemade cookies.

That I wasn't going to eat.

Because I can do the self-talk... you can eat those cookies for the rest of your life, but for these 90 days you are NOT eating the cookies.

But damn, I wanted those home-baked M&M cookies!

It probably didn't help that I stayed a little too long, then biked home and then didn't start my workout until 9pm, then ate the protein part of my way-too-extended dinner around 9:45. I was feeling pretty down during the workout... hungry, tired, overwhelmed... and cried through several sets of my leg-ups! Not easy to do. This probably means I should be doing more if I can both work my abs and cry, clearly I'm not focused enough!

I guess it's good that I can push myself through the workout, even when I'm feeling completely unenthused about doing so. 67 more days seems very, very far away today.

Day 19: Carrying the Pig

2010-05-03T13:27:00.001-07:00

If you read Kid's Lit, as I frequently do for work, then you may know what I'm talking about. If not, you may want to read Louis Sachar's Holes.

In the story the main character's no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather is cursed because he doesn't fulfill a promise to the local, magical, wise woman. She tells him how to win the woman he loves, by impressing her father with the best and biggest pig in the village. She gives him a scrawny runt of a pig and lays down the rules: every day you must carry the pig to the top of the mountain and let him drink from the magical spring. When the boy complains that he won't be strong enough to carry the pig when it is fattened, she explains that each day as the boy carries the increasingly larger pig up the mountain, he too will be getting bigger and stronger.

So I'm carrying the pig.

At times it feels kind of like this.

But slowly I am seeing improvement.

My pants are fitting better. I did my workout when I got home from work. 900 with trips, but no stops! I would not have believed I could do this 19 days ago.

Then I ran off to capoeira:

two hours of playing, singing, working on my handstand and no-hand cartwheel and my feet ache and my ankles feel tight, but I'm not nearly as tired as I would expect my body to feel.

And at long last my pull-up bar came, so hopefully I can tackle those incline or real pull-ups without cursing out the underside of my table.

My no-hand cartwheel could look like this someday!

So my fellow peakers, here's to carrying the pig!

Day 18: A Peaceful Sunday

2010-05-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

A good day.

850 jumps with trips, but without breaks: medium then slow speed as needed to keep jumping.

It felt good to push through without stopping.

Then a delicious dinner: steamed, mashed kohlrabi with broiled yogurt chicken and pears, bulgur and white radish. No pictures because I ate it all. Yum!

Day 17: I hate you, Incline Pull-up!

2010-05-01T04:34:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting for my pull-up bar to come.

In the mean time I curse as I try to do incline pull-ups under the kitchen table. I do four and then I just can't move up anymore.

I did an extra set to try to even things out, but still 4 at a time. I can do everything else mostly-- the no-pause lunges are KILLER!-- but damn you, incline pull-up!

Day 16: Missing Something

2010-04-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm figuring it out.

This week's food is way more manageable. I know that heavy fruits and veggies are good because then I don't have to eat 20, I found a way to search for songs with beats per minute that fit my jump speed-- just search for the bpm for the song that you know works for you, then search that number on last fm and you get your own personal radio playlist!-- and I'm getting a handle on the mass shopping/cooking that must be done to sustain my new fitness-focused self.

But I'm still missing something.

I'm resistant to things. I'm not willing to say 'no' to going out and being social. I want to hang out with people and talk myself into thinking it's no big deal if I order a salad with more vinegar than I think I should be having on my cucumbers. Or if I don't have time to go shop at the one market where I can get fresh fish, I'll buy the smoked kind that I can find more easily (that I know has too much salt). It is because I'm lazy? Resentful at the difficulty of finding the fresh foods I need and would be able to find easily, were I still living in Brooklyn? Not willing to give up an invitation to do something fun after a winter of feeling rather isolated and lonely? Or just not committed enough to this whole project?

Ugh, self doubt.

Day 15: I can't add

2010-04-29T12:57:00.001-07:00

I did a hundred extra jumps, because I can't add.

At least not when I'm sweaty and tired.

I'm starting to dread jumping.

Which only makes the jumping worse.

But then after 600 it is fine and I find my groove.

I think I'm psyching myself out.

Now it's 10pm and I really need to cook some veggies for tomorrow.

Ugh.

On the plus side, mango with yogurt is a good dessert.

Also a glass of milk with a kiwi.

Jumping poorly, but awesome nevertheless!

2010-04-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

I'm still tripping over my feet.

I think it's getting worse.

I'm trying to find the beat in the music and it is almost never where my natural jump seems to be. So I try to slow down or speed up and then find myself out of breath or waiting an inordinate amount of time in between jumping. Or listening to the music which doesn't match my movement and losing count. Just... no... flow.

Missy Elliot helps sometimes. Lady Gaga has "Just Dance" which works pretty well, and while I can imagine myself in a sort of living room disco-aerobic club at 6am, I still need to mix up the tunes. Before I start working out to a metronome, any suggestions, folks?

I am getting a handle on the food, though I need to spread my lunchtime out over a couple of hours to eat it all. What is awesome is that I have so much energy. I may suffer through lunges (so, so unpleasant), but in my normal day at work, I'm not getting the post-lunch urge to nap or dragging myself to a last period class. I shared my excitement over feeling so good with a co-worker who is a regular exerciser/athlete. It was great to talk to her about feeling healthy and energetic and to feel like we're members in some happy fitness club. Slightly geeky, but good.

But not this geeky.

I still have moments of grumpiness when I really want to go hang out with people and know I shouldn't, because you can't take your digital scale to a restaurant, but I guess the good vibes are starting to override these less productive emotions.

Cooking at home is more fun now that I picked up weird new grains and veggies. There are things in my fridge that I don't know the name for in German or English. I know dinkel means 'spelt' but I have no idea if Dinkel Reis is something you make into bread or cook for breakfast. I'm also going to get hooked up with the German farm delivery circuit where you get a box of in-season local produce delivered to your door. I can't wait. Lately I've been shoving so much farmer's market produce in my bike basket that I'm afraid the whole thing will topple over. Now if they could also bring it up the five flights of stairs to the apartment...

Day 10 and the challenge of a Dinner Party

2010-04-25T04:52:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be social.

I thought bringing my own chicken would be a bit of a faux pas.

I didn't measure my portions, but I did have a good share of carrots, green beans, white asparagus, potatoes and an eggplant-lentil dish my friend had cooked especially for me.

I graciously passed up the wine and had some strawberries and milk for dessert.

But still I'm feeling like I somehow fell off the wagon.

Of course today I'm feeling a little under-the-weather and guilty.

I'm feeling no motivation to jumprope. Which of course means the thing I must do is jumprope.

At least it's sunny.

Sigh.

I Just Can't Eat it All!

2010-04-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

I really tried.

At breakfast, I had to put back a slice of the ridiculously hearty bread that they have here in Deutschland. I just couldn't eat it.

At lunch, I had no space left for the supplemental protein called 'boiled egg' that I really intended to eat.

Even at dinner I just felt full when I reached this point.

I wish I could eat it all, but my body has some sort of automatic stomach shut-off valve. I think this is generally a good thing. I'm not sure if we need to continue to consume these mass quantities and why exactly we need to eat so damn much. I just know my little stomach is trying very hard to accommodate all these food grams... but it is struggling.

I used my pressure cooker to make a quinoa, lentil, garlic, purple carrot concoction that was still a little bland. I'm not sure when the 'rich taste of natural foods' part will kick in, because everything just tastes very plain to me right now. Except for tomatoes, which seem to be nature's wonder flavoring. I ate one for breakfast the other day like it was an apple. The same with a yellow pepper this morning. Delicious.

I'm not sure how to measure carbs, veg and protein when its all mixed together in a pot, so I approximated a bit and added some sauteed mushrooms and tomatoes and served it over a bed of spinach, which seems to be practically weightless and should really just start floating in the air in some sort of anti-gravity feat.

So despite not eating everything, I had a really good day: getting a better hang of the weighing and prepping bit, cooking a not-bad meal, and wrestling a colleague to the ground in front of my students and their parents. Weird, but rewarding.

Now off to try to eat my dairy & fruit dessert...

Ups and Downs

2010-04-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

After the excitement of new food guidelines-- read LOTS more-- I realized I had none of the right things in my fridge or house and no time to go out and find them in the small window between waking and biking off to work. I pieced together what I could from my carb, fruit, veg, protein, milk allotment and headed off.

I must have done something wrong, because by 2pm I was dragging. Really sleepy and totally low energy. Ate an apple, to minimal effect. I left work a few hours later and took a nap, neglecting the massive grocery run I so needed to do and the volunteer work for the school's big project.

By six I was putting on the workout gear and pushing myself through 150 jump sets. Having actually done it (without tripping!) I felt moderately better. After that the push-ups seemed easy. The pull ups completely didn't work with my makeshift broomstick on chairs set-up, but the office park near my house has perfect railings for just such a thing. Fortunately, without any after hours security guards questioning me in angry German.

After a massive dinner, I am back on track. Still reeling at the amount of food I now need to consume and the time it will take to eat it all. Wondering if this afternoon lull is part of the adjustment process... but hoping to circumvent those doldrums tomorrow. Wish me luck.

500 Jumps: Yes, I Can!

2010-04-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

Who knew?

Certainly not me on Day 1 as a struggled through far fewer. But seven days later, I can do sets of 101 at a time. Yay me! I'm really thinking this regularity of small bouts of exercise has something to it. Small bouts of push-ups still make me grumble a bit however.

I took Patrick's advice and indulged a bit in my last halfsies meal: mattar panir, murgh mushroom and a tiny beer. Though lots of German cuisine is pretty hefty, they are really good about portioning liquids. Thus ordering a .2 liter beer is not a problem. They even have appropriate-sized glasses!

I'm really curious about the new food plan. Is this where I eat lots of vegetables? Many egg whites? Will I need to give up coffee?

I'm already getting ready, having figured out how to use a pressure cooker for my lentils and ordering a steamer inset for it. Of course, I ordered the wrong one and had to call and ask if I could replace it for the correct size... but I did it, all in German! After 8 months here, any complete conversation I can have auf Deutsch, without stumbling back into English or a blank stare, is a major triumph.

Well, tomorrow makes Day 8, new foods and hopefully some visible changes to go along with the internal ones (when my pics go up). Hang tough, my Running Rats.

Before 7am and already peaky!

2010-04-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

The halfsies breakfasts continue. Dense bread and polenta with dried cherries. Yum.

I did my workout this morning. It made me feel more awake and I got to see the sunrise. Yay for Spring in Northern Europe!

I tried to muffle my jumping (I am on the 5th floor) by putting a little rug in the living room. Disaster! I kept tripping and probably made more noise for my sleeping neighbors. I guess I'll just keep living in fear of the knock on the door and some angry German about making too much noise during quiet hours.

So far with the workout I've figured out that:

Music helps (why didn't I ever do lunges to tunes before?)
It's okay to keep your knees on the floor in pushups if it means you can do 32 of them!
Using a kids' jumprope is motivating and makes me smile
My cat loves my sweaty smells at the end of the workout. I know this is both very nice and quite gross.

Have a good Day 5, Peakers!

Day 4: The Mind's Getting to Me

2010-04-18T02:52:00.000-07:00

Just finished the workout and I'm feeling much better.

Yesterday, not so much.

I was feeling hungry, grumpy and thin-skinned as I baked and prepared for a friend's birthday party. The party did solve the chocolate banana strawberry bread dilemma: give it away! Sadly, I didn't take pictures beforehand, but this is kind of what it looked like: http://cdcstudios.com/2009/04/10/chocolate-strawberry-banana-bread/

The last-minute grocery shopping and the not-ripe enough tomatoes that I got stressed me out, but it probably wouldn't have turned me into a crying on the kitchen floor event, had I not felt so food-deprived and HUNGRY!

Needless to say, the eggplant dish that I needed the tomatoes for turned out fine and was completely devoured at the party. Yay! Eggplant is turning out to be my new favorite vegetable, ever since I figured out how to broil it. Delicious.

http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/eggplant-lasagna-herbed-ricotta-asiago-00000000019598/index.html

At the party I was trying to explain how to make it and I got completely tongue-tied. I'm not usually the most talkative at parties, but not being able to get a sentence out correctly was really frustrating.

I think I've got to let up a little of the pressure I put on myself to do things well. I'm really working on learning German, but constantly making mistakes, which is funny at first, but then just starts to make me feel incredibly dumb.

This carries over to my workout when I think I'm jumping too fast or too slow, putting too much pressure in my hands during leg-ups or not going down far enough in my push-ups.

I've got to remember it's a process. If I were already awesome at working out, I probably wouldn't be doing PCP!

Well, I'll be working on the mind control aspect today. Maybe this will help:

Day 1: Let's Do This

2010-04-13T03:15:00.001-07:00

Hello friends and well-wishers!

I'm both really excited and apprehensive right now as I begin this PCP journey. I'm going to be totally fit! But wait... how much jumping rope do I need to do again? My capoeira gals are giving me some serious inspiration (even from 3000+ miles away). Props to Emily, Mickey and Shivani!

This project I'm embarking on is a real departure from my usual laissez-faire attitude toward eating. I'm definitely not the dieting type-- I've always wondered if Weight Watchers and Conde Nast are somehow jointly owned and conspiring to make women feel crappy about their bodies-- but here I go on my first one. I'm not calling it the 'd' word actually, but a 'changing-my-health-and-approach-to-exercising plan' which is quite a mouthful.

Since I moved far, far away, I've totally fallen off the fitness wagon. I miss my capoeiristas, lovely Prospect Park, and both the fun and healthy peer pressure that comes with working out with others. So, I've got 90 days to get my mojo back.

Here's the plan. By the end of this I want to:

be able to walk to my 5th floor walk-up without getting winded
reconnect with muscles I last remember from rowing crew (my first year of college)
slim down from my current weight (my highest ever!)
finally do a macaco in capoeira (a kind of sideways, backward handspring thing)

I'm already feeling more aware of my eating habits, but I've had a few "better eat this now, because I won't for 90 days" moments that I know are counterproductive. This week's mission is to eat half of your normal food intake. My stomach is already growling at the thought of half of the cafeteria lunch. It's so measly already!

-------

Already Evening

I made it through both the many sets of jumping rope and the awkward Day 1 photo shoot. Believe me, I don't usually show this much of myself to people I know, let alone potential strangers! But I figure tiny clothes will show more progress.

Breakfast was fine.

I think drinking only this much coffee is probably better for my stomach in the morning.

Things were growling something awful before dinner, but my 1/2 portion was quite satisfying. We'll see if it holds up and if I can keep from getting 'hangry' =hungry+angry, this week (thanks to Mickey from the last PCP group for the awesome new word).

The real debate is about baking. Do I make the strawberry banana chocolate bread tonight that I was planning to do last night, pre-PCP? Can I still bake and bring it in to work so I don't try to cut half-sections of the slices I would probably eat every time I walked into the kitchen? Ugh!

Well, thanks for reading and wishing me luck. I'm sure with dilemmas like these, I'll need it! And to my fellow PCPers, in the words of my inspiration figure: LET'S GET IT STARTED!